random thoughts, observations and questions

why do women feel the need to compete for the affection of flava flav - do they not realize that subjecting themselves to that will only hinder their lives once the show ends. would you want to talk to a chic who kissed flava flav?

does star jones reynolds realize that she not only looks like a bobblehead, but she's not hiding the fact that she had g'bypass surgery very well . . .

do i realize that star may weigh less than me and i'm training for a marathon . . .

i love food! i truly love food. if i could marry food i would . . . which could be the reason she's smaller than me

why does mariah carey insist on dressing as if she's 26?

did britney really think that she was gonna live happily ever after? karma is a bitch . . .

i'm genuinely sad about jessica and nick - okay not really, but that just sounded right. now if gwyneth and chris break up apple's happy home, i'm starting a letter campaign.

does HBO still have a strong hold on sunday nights?

its not CSI: las vegas - its just CSI

people always seem to forget about being inhibited when having sex - who really talks like that and when/where do people learn to say these things? no you're not my daddy and none of my body part are yours . . .

men, no matter how much they deny it, are worse about spreading gossip than women.

if you're abstaining from sex are you allowed to talk dirty on the phone? does phone sex count?

feel free to share . . .

oh christmas tree . . .

as i get older, i realize that the fairy tale life that i lead is just a figment of my imagination. once again the cute ideal life that my family/families try to portray are just that, ideals.

for instance, my mother hosts an annual tree trimming party a few weeks before christmas - its always a good time for me 'cause i am relinquished of the duty of single-handedly trimming the tree. to make it even easier my mother broke down last year, went against all previous notions of what was considered tacky by southern standards and bought a pre-lit martha stewart tree.

i walk, or limp, into the house last saturday in preparation for the 5 pm festivities, kindly greeted by my mother's bookclub members . . . and the tree-less living room.

NubianTemptress: hey y'all! momma, where's the tree?
NubianTemptress' Momma: oh, T (my stepfather) was too tired to put it up.
NT: so we're having a tree-less tree-triming party?
NTM: i guess so, unless you're gonna go get the tree and set it up . . .
NT: umm, i don't think so, have you forgotten that i just ran 20 miles, i'm tired too!
NTM: looks like we aren't having a tree then.
NT: how does that look? you're having a tree-triming party with no tree . . .
NTM: you know i don't care, we have decorations and christmas plants - nobody's gonna notice.

in my mother's defense, she's now 50 and she truly doesn't give a damn, but i highly doubt that people didn't notice.

the night before she made it known that she had no grandchildren to "do up" christmas for, so basically i'm shit outta luck until i give her a reason to get excited about santa and trees again . . . my stance is this - i'm still a child (since i don't have any of my own) and the tree is a staple in the christmas-time celebration/tradition.

luckily, she did promise to read to me on christmas eve, to honor of our timeless tradition. yes, i will not lie, i'm 26 going on 27 and my mother still tucks me in and reads twas the night before christmas on christmas eve. until i have a child to read to, i'm still the baby of the house.

when it comes down to it, despite not having a tree, it's still christmas as long as momma reads to me on christmas eve and i catch a christmas story in its entirety.

could it be love . . .

i am in love!!! i'm in love with my new job, my new desk, my new co-workers, my new building, my new phone . . . the list goes on and on!

so this marks my first week of work after a 6 month unemployment slump and i am super excited. not only are the office hours shortened (8:30 - 3:30), but today is my friday (happy happy friday) and i don't have to work on monday. to top it all of, i get paid tomorrow, JUST BECAUSE!!! there is nothing better than working for a legitimate business something my good friend AsianMistress and i both know very well.


i also had a FABULOUS date this week . . .

my online dating woes have paid off -- i finally met someone who is normal . . . the young man, who actually isn't very young at all - he's 34 - is a chi-town native (but i won't hold that against him), divorced and visually pleasing, but to top it all off, he's celibate.

we swapped info last week and i waited a few days to call him, well, i was a little preoccupied with another one of my "friends" so i didn't really have time to call . . .

last friday, while i'm peeling apples at my momma's, i get up the nerve to call him. of course i'm expecting the conversation to be stale and boring, i mean what can i have in common with a grown-ass man. surprisingly the convo was great. we chatted for a little over an hour and the conversation was really easy . . . no dumb questions, no awkward silence, no "why am i doing this again?" moments, just a really easy conversation.

so we talked every day this weekend - again, very nice and easy conversations . . . after speaking for a little more than an hour again on monday evening we decided to meet face-to-face on tuesday. we met at one of the many downtown starbucks locations at 4:30 pm. the date was soooo wonderful that i didn't make it to my front door until 10:30 pm. YES people that is SIX hours!

of course, he walked me to my door, as a real gentleman should . . . and before we parted ways he left me with the sweetest kiss i've had in years. he then called me when he got home to wish me well before he flew to chicago for the holidays.

last night/this morning he called me just to say hello at 5:30 am and i didn't care. please note that i am NO early riser and i don't like talking to people in the morning, but today i honestly didn't care. i like him - a lot!

stay posted, things seem to be moving rather quickly . . . but i do fall in love once a week =)

ready, ready, ready to run . . .

there are several things that i am proud of in my life. one, my ability to "bounce back" - if you looked up the word resilience you would find my smiling face.

this saturday i reached another milestone - i ran 20 miles. that 20 miles was more than marathon training; it was life training. there have been several significant events in my life that i sit and wonder "how did i gather the strength to get through that?" and this weekend was proof that my mental, spiritual and physical being are aligned.

when you start running in southwest, run the length of the Mall, take a brief tour of g'town and follow a boring ass trail to actually cross the MARYLAND STATE LINE you develop a new respect for your mind, body and spirit.

that 20 mile run allowed me to do what i set out to do; pushed myself to new limits and let go of the unnecessary attachment to my pseudo-ex.

i've accomplished a lot this year, so i can't complain . . . i observed black august - www.blackaugust.com - and as my friends know i really like food, no i love food and i would marry food if i could. black august gave me a new respect for food and how it can be abused.

i didn't have sex for seven months . . . now, i'm not a harlot, but i have always had the option of having someone to do the grown-up with. even with the option, i put forth the effort not to have sex.

now with the 20 miles under my belt i am going into 2006 with a new outlook on life and what i've been doing with mine. i'm so ready for anything life tosses my way.

pre-engagement girlfriend's club

of course good times don't last always, but there is no reason for the recent turn events . . .

while enjoying my favorite drink at one of my wednesday watering holes i was pleasantly presented with unpleasant information . . .

let's take a step or two back -- part of the reason for my blog title is the not so recent "breakup" of myself and a young man i "dated' on and off for a little less than 11 years -- yes 11. i used the terms breakup and dated loosely because though what the two of us shared was special and something most of our closest friends will never really understand it is best described as an untraditional/complex mess of a relationship in its simplest form.

he and i (note: i did not use the word WE) met in high school and hindsight being what it is, i would not take back a moment spent together, however, i would change a few things. over the years and several break ups between us and our significant others (which means that at times we were actively cheating on our b/g'friend's -- unfortunately there is something about those stolen moments) we maintained a shaky, yet strong connection.

during the first chapter of our relationship i played a significant role in the dissolution of one of his relationships and carried the stigma of being "that girl" with his family, so the chance of me being the "girlfriend" was highly unlikely. despite knowing this and wearing the scarlet letter of being "the other woman", the relationship pressed forward. in the most recent chapter of the "relationship" and many years later, there was a shift . . . the discussion of the possibility of moving in together, marriage and children did come into play, but there was hesitation on both ends due to baggage.

over the past two to three years, the relationship rollercoaster took over and he and i were left at its mercy . . . he didn't want a commitment (bullshit), i wasn't sure if he was "the one" (a reasonable doubt, but still bullshit). the truth was and is this -- he'd being with me for YEARS and he wanted something new; i knew he wasn't right for me on a lifestyle level, but the overall compatibility was there as far as personalities and the like (wink) -- we were capable of making it for the long haul, but the initial hurdle of making it a legitimate committment was too high to jump.

as of february 2005, we finally went our separate ways, maintaining a crazy connection that remained unbroken, until now.

in less than a year's time, my former love overcame his fear of relationships and commitment and has become - you guessed it - ENGAGED! to add insult to injury this exciting news was passed on to me thru a mutual acquaintance, despite the fact that over the past three weeks i've spoken to and even seen him. apparently, he didn't have the nerve to tell me, he was trying to prepare me.

prepare me for what? how is one ever prepared for that news? as i write this i'm still processing the emotions surrounding being the pre-engagement girl. the girl who was repeatedly told "i'm not ready" or in the midst of a heated argument that i was never "gonna be the one and only" in sheer contrast to the ongoing actions and contradicting statements . . .

disappointment . . .inadequacy . . . the overwhelming angst of "will i ever be lucky enough to find the love of my life, have kids and live happily ever after (preferably BEFORE my ex's wedding date)" are just some of the emotions that i'm processing.

i'm still not sure what's worse . . . the embarrassment of crying in the bathroom at a club, while drunk chicks slur words of encouragement or playing multiple versions "i can't make you love me" (bonnie ratt and kimberley locke have the best versions, in my opinion)/brian mcknight's "one last cry"/al green's "how can you mend a broken heart"/erykah badu's "green eyes" (i should be credited as a contributing writer - these lyrics speak to me like no other song)/justin timerlake's "never again"/britney's "everytime"/jill scott's "show me" and coldplay's "a message" over and over again hoping for the moment that this will all make sense and the pain will subside.

luckily i have some of the best friends a girl could ever ask for in this moment of emotional torment . . . thank you for the bathroom pep talk, the hefty margarita and a lovely manicure in honor of my he ain't shit/congrats on the new job moment. thanks for listening to me cry on the phone despite your personal needs-- including studying for law school finals. i love each of you for allowing me recount every moment of my disfunctional relationship without judgment and giving me time to just sit and wallow in these moments of emotional frailty.

so for the weekend i'll be running 20 miles . . . during those miles i will relinquish any emotional baggage and move forward with my plan for happiness in 2006. there is no way that this blink on my radar will slow me down. when it comes down to it and in the words of one of my favorite bands . . . everythings not lost . . .

sometimes LESS is more . . .

my apologies for the lag time in posting. i've been going through a few changes.

in an effort to maintain some level of modesty i will simply say this -- there is something about waking up in the morning feeling "refreshed" . . .

during football season monday nights are the perfect setting for cuddling up on the couch with a "special someone". due to perfect timing and an extended football game my blog title became, how do you say, "less descriptive" of my current status . . .

Christmas Made Easy for Music Lovers -- XM Holiday Special

One of my gurls is a high-level hottie at XM and wants to

spread the love of music with y'all this holiday season,

so here it is and Happy Holidays:

“Get a FREE Roady XT when you sign up for six months of XM Satellite Radio service at http://friends.xmradio.com and enter Anastacia@xmradio.com as the sponsor email to receive the FREE XT or get the XM2GO portable for $150 OFF the current price. Offer only good until December 31, 2005, so check it out now!!”

R.I.P interview suit, cuz i got a J-O-B!!! now i can focus on finding a man . . .

there are several things to be thankful for during the holiday season. as of 10:15 am today my level of thankfulness and gratitude went through the roof! i was offered a position I REALLY wanted -- with a company i really like. now i can afford the weekly martini allowance that I've become accustomed to and pay my rent (FYI: they are listed in order of importance)!

thank the lawd: after damn-near six months, no more sending out resumes, no more wishin, hopin and prayin for a job - i am gainfully employed. the only problem is now that i have a job, i won't be able to watch my favorite daytime shows, but thank goodness for VCRs and TiVo! don't worry Maury, i'll catch you and Oprah when i get home . . .

i guess i'm thankful for the men in my life, too. it seems that i'm sending out the "i'm gonna be off the market soon vibe" because i am being pursued by ALL of my ex-boyfriends. not just regular "i'm professing my love for you" but ALL OF THE ONES WHO WANT REAL RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGE AND FAMILIES AND HOUSES and stuff!!!

don't get me wrong, like most of my fellow females i want all of these things too, but i'm scared of making the "wrong" choice. i do believe in testing the waters, but i don't want to do the marriage thing multiple times . . . so i'm gonna take all of this day-by-day. based on the trends in hollywood and as an avid US Weekly reader, i am NOT trying to be another failed marriage statistic.

if you have any advice, please share . . .

online dating = male escort service?

why didn't anybody send me the memo about online dating . . . it seems that the rules have changed and i wasn't made aware of the fact that you were supposed to sleep with a man on the first date! i'm desperately in need, but i didn't know it's that serious.

sidebar: i was encouraged to register with one of the many online dating services by my one and only adorable mother. she seems to be obsessed with having grand children for some reason -- i told her she had control over the number of children she had, not when i decide to have mine, i can't help that i'm an only child.

well, i decided that i would bite the bullet and take a gentleman or two up on a date/cameo, this is where i came face to face with the "new dating rules". while i was trying to settle down with my highschool sweethear it became commonplace for the ladies to want grown up loving within a moment or two of meeting their new loverboy sex toy. ummm, at this point i'm not sure i'm ready to give it up before i know your last name and your favorite childhood memory.

apparently having sex is "not that deep," as one of my would be suitors let me know as he promtly left my house. sex is no big deal, which explains why i'm sexless - i'm too uptight about who i decide to have sex with and how soon. now, i'm no prude, i've had my share of doing the grown up, but i wasn't aware of the new sex in the city induced sexual freedom we ladies are now living up to . . .

one of my precious friends and fellow hottie decided to let me know, from first hand experience that i've got to get with the program, or get off the online personals pot . . . so, i've made a few revisions to my online profile.

no panty chasers allowed here, the goodies are going to the highest bidder only and the reserve - sweeping me off my feet - has not been met!

the interview suit

in addition to being sexless, i've been jobless for a total of 170 days and counting. i can't complain cuz 170 days without a job is 1000xs better than working on masta's plantation for 9 months, hell may be better than that but i'm not trying to find out.

so, at this point the only thing i can compare the job market to is the relentless meat market, aka, DC club scene. at 26 and five years outta college i'm now faced with the ultimate hustle of having to compete with recent grads and their perky ass job-hunting capabilities, but the fresh-ass 21-year old chicks with perky this and that, making me feel like the old lame maid in the club. but to be perfectly honest - job or no job, man or no man, i still got my swagger and i stay fly - shout out to my fly ass hairstylist, FELA, at Shear Movement on U st. at this point i can put out so much energy knowing full well what i'm getting into . . . real world work life is so surreal.

but, i digress . . . so i went on my umpteenth interview with a staffing agency today and what i'd anticipated to be as pleasant as a trip to the dentist turned out to be quite pleasant. i mean after waking up in a cold ass apartment (literally cold - like my 20+ year old heating system broke the fuck down as soon as my rent went the fuck up $95, how convenient . . . but again, i'm getting off topic) i had to walk about six blocks in this damn suit to tell another complete stranger why i'm so wonderful and worthy of a job. the interview went very well, like every other interview, but at this point, i starting to question who has it worse - me and my job search or the suit.

let me get you caught up, back in 2003 i bought a pretty nice black suit; the standard jacket, pant and skirt. hindsight being what it is, had i known that i'd have to don that damned suit more than 10 times in the past 6 months (mind you that the suit is getting more action than i am at this point) i wouldn't have coined it the "interview suit". talk about jinx, that damn suit needs to have stock options the way my job market is looking these days.

as far as i'm concerned i can never put that suit on again as long as i live, but at this point i'll simply settle for the idea of being able to wear it to my first client meeting after landing my new j-o-muthafuckin-b . . .

is honesty always the best policy . . .

after listening to sia's "breathe me" for the umpteenth time this week, i've started to realize that i often sabotoge my own happiness in the name of truth and honesty.

a few weeks ago my recently rekindled flame/love was kind enough to sponsor my trip to see him for four days. during my visit loverboy was also so generous to lend me his car for a few hours to see my gurlfriends and family while he was at work. of course, being the BAD girl that i am, i decided to pay a visit to an ex-boyfriend and not so lost lover . . . of course i didn't do anything that would damage my pending relationship, aside from the well-known no-no: going to see a man, or two, in another man's car . . .

well, fast forward to tonight, in a moment of stupidity i decided that i should be "honest" and tell the "truth" about my outing. what in the hell was i thinking? of course, like any resonable man during the christmas season, he made his anger known and kindly told me that i'd just forfited a very nice x-mas gift! DAYUMMMMM!!! come on homie, when will you learn that honesty is not all its cracked up to be?

either way it goes, i've screwed myself . . .