online dating = male escort service?

why didn't anybody send me the memo about online dating . . . it seems that the rules have changed and i wasn't made aware of the fact that you were supposed to sleep with a man on the first date! i'm desperately in need, but i didn't know it's that serious.

sidebar: i was encouraged to register with one of the many online dating services by my one and only adorable mother. she seems to be obsessed with having grand children for some reason -- i told her she had control over the number of children she had, not when i decide to have mine, i can't help that i'm an only child.

well, i decided that i would bite the bullet and take a gentleman or two up on a date/cameo, this is where i came face to face with the "new dating rules". while i was trying to settle down with my highschool sweethear it became commonplace for the ladies to want grown up loving within a moment or two of meeting their new loverboy sex toy. ummm, at this point i'm not sure i'm ready to give it up before i know your last name and your favorite childhood memory.

apparently having sex is "not that deep," as one of my would be suitors let me know as he promtly left my house. sex is no big deal, which explains why i'm sexless - i'm too uptight about who i decide to have sex with and how soon. now, i'm no prude, i've had my share of doing the grown up, but i wasn't aware of the new sex in the city induced sexual freedom we ladies are now living up to . . .

one of my precious friends and fellow hottie decided to let me know, from first hand experience that i've got to get with the program, or get off the online personals pot . . . so, i've made a few revisions to my online profile.

no panty chasers allowed here, the goodies are going to the highest bidder only and the reserve - sweeping me off my feet - has not been met!