10 times 3 pt. III

drumroll please . . .

TOP 10 THINGS THAT SCARE ME ABOUT BEING DAMN-NEAR 30

1. i'm still single. by the time my mother was my age is had been married and had a beautiful baby girl. this only bothers me because i haven't had a successful relationship in many, many years. i'm happy in my single-dom, but its only human to want to share space and time with a person whose company you enjoy
2. i still don't know what i'm doing with my life. over the years my expectations of my career, my personal life, my friendships have all deteriorated because each of these things don't measure up to what i anticipated in 1997. when i left high school i KNEW that the world was mine to conquer. now, i'm trying to figure out what the hell happened.
3. i'm fat, well sorta. black august and marathon training were a God send. i remember being at cheerleading practice my senior year of high school and looking at my late 20's coach (and former cheerleader) and wondering why she'd let herself go. i promised myself that i'd never go on birth control for fear of gaining weight and i vowed to myself that i'd stay a solid and athletic size 6/8 FOREVER if it killed me. HA! i wish i still had that determination and willpower. i just got back to a 10/12 and less than 2 years ago i was knocking on 200 lbs and severely depressed because of it. i'm happy to be healthy and happy now, but dayum what happen to the 17 year old in me?
4. there is no reason why i shouldn't own something. a car, a condo, a cute ass dog, something . . .
5. i still rely on my parents every once in a while. now we all know that daddy's are money trees, but dayum can i stop running to my parents to get me out of a bind. i must say that i held it down when i was out of work for six months, but still . . . get it together
6. all of my friends are beautiful, smart and SINGLE. out of the 15 girls i kicked it with in undergrad only two are married, one is walking the isle in april and one is a single mother. those numbers aren't that promising. i went to see something new with two girlfriends from high school - who are also single - and found myself tripping the entire time because i saw myself and some of, no excuse me, most of my friends in the characters. can you say scary?
7. after going to a 1st bday party recently, i'm happy that i'm not a single parent. after babysitting a 5 month old the other day, i'm dayum happy not to be a single parent. i'm happy for several reasons. 1) babies are heavy and i haven't lifted weights in years. 2) my maternal instincts deteriorate every year i spend living alone.
8. sometimes i feel like i've let my parents down. not exactly sure why or how, i just feel that way.
9. graduate school seems light years away . . . will i ever get there?
10. what happened to my christian spirit. i've fallen off my community service horse and feel horrible. i haven't been to church in over two years. i used to be a deacon at my church. i attended schools that required community service hours to graduate and i always wanted to do more than what i had to. now i can think of the last time i was of service to the less fortunate. i've got to get back on the band wagon and stop slighting myself and my community.

10 times 3 pt. II

so here's my next top ten list . . .

TOP 10 THINGS . . . I DON'T KNOW, JUST MORE RANDOM THOUGHTS

1. peapod is the best thing that ever happened to city dwellers - EVER!!!
2. shani davis doesn't have to be a team player - he's an only child - ONLY CHILDREN UNITE!
3. notice to myself - being late for work three days out of the week is not cute - procrastination is for undergrads!
4. one martini will get you nice -- three will get you laid, nicely - HA!
5. men wake up one day and decide to get married, romance is a crock of BS - PERIOD, POINT BLANK!
6. oprah is so rich she's beautiful . . .
7. there should not be a tanning salon in DC's U Street district - its just wrong to have a tanning bed in the home of DC's renaissance . . .
8. tyler perry may dress like a woman, but he's fine and rich as hell, therefore he can dress in drag anytime he wants . . . he'd still get it
9. brokeback mountain wasn't as bad as people made it out to be - can you say AWARD WORTHY!
10. chris brown and omarion are too cute to be so young - i'mma start robbing the cradle . . .

10 times 3 . . .

equals 30, so in honor of my 30th post, my three years to 30 and ummmm . . . my birth month having 30 days i'm gonna list three top ten's over the next 3 days.

TOP TEN THINGS PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
1. despite my seemingly outgoing personality, i'm shy
2. i was once given a rabbit as an easter gift, it scared me
3. i've cheated on at least three of my boyfriends or wanted to leave them for someone else
4. i'm a republican - 'nuf said and don't ask me why . . .
5. i'm afraid of marriage due to my fear of divorce
6. i have TMJ
7. i miss xanax, but i'm too afraid of the potential of getting addicted to take it
8. i sleep with a teddy bear, sometimes
9. i hate chocolate, eggs and milk
10. i regret never studying film and screenwriting

a little to the left . . .

there is something to be said for the single woman or man with discerning taste, better known as being too picky. i've found that the older my friends and i get the more particular we are about the qualities - personality, appearance, social abilities, etc. - that we look for in a man. i've noticed more recently i've axed a suitor or two based on his ability to hold a decent conversation, how nice he was or wasn't, whether not we were sexually compatible, even astrological compatibility. there have been several article that have strengthened my rationale in making rash decisions based on what would seem to be the most minute deal-breakers.

does that make me wrong? should i humble myself to find the one? i don't think so . . .

would i hold up in a pro vs. con debate of a gentleman whose attention i sought? would i want to know that i was cut from a dudes roster because i said goodbye vs. peace when ending a conversation? would i want to be held under the same microscope that i examine my gentlemen callers?

to be perfectly honest, yes and no.

personally, i find that its easier to say what you dislike before you can lay out a list of what is attractive to you, aside the physical descriptions we've become so familiar with - you know the typical "tall, dark and handsome" that crosses all color, creeds and races, and i'm not alone. but does the ability to point out the negative in someone or what you don't find appealing about them and face that up front make you a bad person?

isn't it better to recognize something that be a deal breaker early in the game rather than get your feelings and the other persons feelings all wrapped up in something your not going to be happy or satisfied with later.
at this point in my life i realize that i can do bad by myself. as i approach 30, my eyes have been opened to a lot of things that i took for granted as an undergrad. the butterflies, roses and candy love affairs have since ceased and reality has set in - love not something you rush into and is definitely not a fairy tale. it is a commitment not to be entered lightly and should be considered as the foundation of a lifelong legacy.

desperately seeking coldplay tickets

the cold september concert at nissan wasn't enough . . . i'm determined to see coldplay at MCI. anybody got a hook up, know someone trying to get rid of a ticket or two, friends with a scalper, something -- i'm in need of a coldplay fix.

happy valentines day . . .

not!!! one of my dear friends had the bright idea of celebrating VDAY as our love new year . . . well i rang it in with a bottle of moet and another single friend -- isn't that promising . . .

my blog title has taken on new meaning. i'm at a point where i can't even BEG for sex. i'm not dating anymore, i've cut off any prospects and i lost my only jumpoff. i never thought the day would come at the ripe age of 26. if i wasn't married off by 30, yes, i could see this being my status, but 26, fit, cute, and single - fully single - and nobody to share the love with, not even on valentine's day. come on, man!!!

i've gotten to the point where the evening calls that i expect and anticipate are from my loyal and faithful set of single girlfriends. the phone rings and i immediately know who to expect - can you say LAME.

i spent the first part valentine's day evening at a mayorial campaign office with my dearest friend E and the second have with my high school crew in georgetown with a guy that i've had a crush on for a little over a month. did i mention that this guy just happens to have a girlfriend. YES - it seems that everyone else in this city is coupled up but me and my friends obviously.

so what do i do? do i change it up and start third-wheeling it with married couples to shun the vibes of my single friends? or do i just settle for the nice, safe ex who is willing to rekindle a febble flame for the sake of psuedo happiness?

at this point i cannot continue to let this cycle run its course . . . there is obviously some evil force working against me - karma and the sins of my lineage, something. i've come to the conclusion that i'm going to sing india.arie's "i'm ready for love" every night before bed as my new mantra, you know like the hail mary, but i'm not catholic. wanna hear it, here it goes . . .

I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity

I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace

Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I'll say the same thing

I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won't complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here

If you give me half a chance
I'll prove this to you
I will be patience, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect's the spirit world
And thinks with his heart

I am ready for love
If you'll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can
I am ready for love

Here with a offering of
My voice
My Eyes
My soul
My mind
Tell me what is enough
To prove I am ready for love

I am ready

it's official . . .

I'm a marathoner!!! Since my first 1/2 marathon years ago, I promised myself that I would never be crazy enough to actually run a full 26.2, I've proven myself wrong and love myself for it!!! Who can complain about the weight loss and stress relief that running offers? I certainly won't ;)

First, let me thank my momma for walking 4, yes FOUR, long and hard miles for me. After calling her between miles 18-20 tired, near tears and complaining about everything from the heat to my blisters, she walked from mile 24 to 22 to encourage me to keep going. She did this only to have me leave her there because my energy gel kicked in and I had a "use it or lose it" energy moment (thank God for Clif Gel and PowerGel) and I kept running when I saw her . . . thanks momma!!!

Now, on to the juicy stuff - me running and finishing the 26.2 miles! I won't get into the details of time and such, just know that unofficially my time was 5:50 some odd minutes . . . give or take a bathroom break or three.

After training for four months in DC's mild, but wintry weather, I was able to overcome mind and body to finish the Miami Marathon in temperatures that reached 76 degrees - definitely not what I trained for or anticipated.

I won't bore you with the minor details of each and every mile of the race, but I will say this - no matter how beautiful Miami is, you could give two darns when you're hot, have baby blisters annoying you at every foot fall and there is no cold ice water in sight. Much love to all of the volunteers giving out warm water and Gatorade, but the random woman at mile 18ish with ice was my best friend during our brief encounter. she could have had e.coli or salmonella on her bare hands and i still would have asked for the handful of ice she provided during my moment of need.

In an effort to provide a balanced look at the marathon for those who haven't run one yet, here are just a few high and low points from my marathon experience . . . its up to you to decide if these are highs or lows:

• at mile 8 or 9ish i ran an 11 minute mile -- two and a half minutes faster than my usual pace
• i still have all ten of my toenails and none of them are black
• at mile 13 i realized that although the 1/2 marathoners were being awarded metals in the very near distance, i, like my full mara counterparts, still had 13.1 miles to go - that was a very sad realization
• at mile 16 i started dialing numbers of anyone i knew who had ever run in their lives to get any encouraging word possible - thank you A for answering the phone and talking to me, i really needed that
• at mile 20 i saw an experienced runner fall -- at that moment i knew it was do or die, although the park benches and the air conditioned CVS with ice cold water looked appealing, once you stop you're down for the count
• at mile 23.6 or so Todd reassured me that mile 24 was right around the corner - there is nothing better than to have someone tell you "right around the corner" and it is really right around the corner. From mile 13 on up people continued to tell us that we were "almost there" ummmm, no we're not, we still have 13 miles to go. Almost there is that last .2 of the 26.2!
• Mile 25.7ish was a bridge with was looked like a 75% incline -- folks the last thing someone who has been running for hours wants to see in those final moments is an incline, just know that in that moment i highly considered the option of sitting down for five minutes . . . but i remembered the man at mile 20
• I ran the last .2 miles and smiled as I crossed the finish line -- you must put on a good show for the camera no matter how tired, hot and ready to quit you felt before you saw the camera.
• Desired time or not, i finished! I'm now addicted to collecting metals
• I will stick to half marathons from here on out

Tips to those who want to run a marathon from an amateur marathoner:

1. Never run on a half empty stomach, you will pay for it later . . . but energy gels are your best friend
2. Always run with your name on you somewhere, you will appreciate hearing it while you run
3. You can never be too cautious - Bodyglide is your friend, use it, use more than you think you need - i used it and still got two blisters on my right foot, which was the foot that never bothered me during training
4. Cry pretty when you cross the finish line and don't wait 15 minutes after you cross to start crying, people will think you're crazy . . .

Thanks again for all the well wishes, support, congrats, etc. - I truly appreciated all of it! Two medals down, 100's more to go . . .