Sunday, March 26, 2006

i said that last year . . .

this afternoon, while watching the GMU/CONN game and skimming washingtonpost.com, i came across a headline that caught my eye. the article caught my eye, not only because of the touchy subject, but because its something i've felt for years and more recently started to vocalize to my fellow female friends. no statistics, no books by an expert or a self-motivated study can further solidify the ideas that i've held in regards to race and marriage. in today's world black people, for the most part, do not get married, as joy jones clearly states, marriage is for white people.

when coldplay released X&Y, one of my friends played the song 'a message' for me. as we listened to chris belt out lyrics of love and devotion, my friend lamented her wishes to have a young man feel that way about her. my immediate response, "white men are raised and taught to love like that, black men aren't". now, i'll be completely honest, these were words of a woman slightly scorned (my ex wasn't engaged yet, but he was seeing his now fiancé at the time), but more true words have never been spoken.

in her article, ms. jones notes the insight of school children as her moment of enlightenment and clarity - i note my moment, or moments, as the on going single saga that i and my single black female sistahs suffer year after year. as she noted, we all deal with our plight differently - some of us delve farther into work or education, while others push forward with maternal instincts and have children out of wedlock, while our single, educated and employed bruhs continue to play the uneven playing field fulfilling the proverbial dream of bachelorhood.

as a 26, very soon to be 27, year old single black female, i've come to terms with the idea of being single for a few more years. the storybook tales of courting/dating, meeting mom's, family holidays, proposals and wedding plans are things that i will live out through my desire to plan events and watch on the sidelines as my white female counterparts live out a dream. it’s sad, but true - with every odd against us, black couples don't get married, PERIOD.

knowledge being power, there is no reason to wallow in these facts - it is what it is – we don’t get married. knowing this, i've found happiness in my current career path, my ability to set a goal and follow thru with it and my new focus on following oprah's debt diet to get a better handle on my finances. with all of these issues on my plate, who has time to cultivate a relationship that will grow into a fulfilling marriage and manage day to day life? apparently, white people.

thank you for bringing this issue to light, ms. jones. i will be sure to forward this enlightening article to every single black male that i know in hopes that your honesty will lead to the rebuilding of the strength of all communities – love and marriage.

4 Comments:

Blogger FlyyGirl said...

Uh, can I get a copy of that? lol

11:46 PM  
Anonymous boredlawstudent said...

Why not date white / asian / hispanic guys?

11:47 PM  
Blogger NubianTemptres43 said...

black women have an unspoken resolve to love, honor and cherish black men - i didn't make the rules, they just happen. i've dated outside my race and would probably do it again, but my ultimate goal is black love . . .

8:49 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

this is a very interesting observation. of course not all black men are reluctant to date.

my solution? if black women are forced to have children out of wedlock, why not teach those children to honor and cherish relationships? if you have a little black boy why not raise him to appreciate and honor a good woman by being committed. if little white boys are taught to love and honor why can't little black boys be taught the same?

11:59 AM  

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