by myself . . . pt. II

first a little background: i'm not overly superstitious, at least i try not to be, but there has to be something more to my recurring issue of not being able to keep a man. several years ago i had my palm read . . . followed all of the rules and gave the reader no indications of whether she was hitting any "hot topics" to avoid any generic fortune telling. during this reading i was told that a woman in my family (my grandmother) had been cursed by a woman who was jealous of her and that all of her female bloodline would suffer the repercussions of this curse. all of the relationships we had would fail because somebody in louisiana got mad and buried something in a backyard.

last fall i decided to have my palm read again just to see – maybe the last reading was just wrong . . . that would be too much like right. i went to a completely different reader and was told the same account . . . at this point i’m freaked out by the fact that my second opinion has given me the same result – i’m jacked when it comes to relationships, not because of my own doing, but because of some Louisiana bayou mess that my grandmother was involved in.

now this is all relevant because i’ve just been ‘let down easy’ for the umpteenth time . . .

until recently i was being courted by a young man that i’d taken a particular liking to. slowly but surely being swept off my feet, just as i’d wanted. what woman wouldn’t find it hard to resist a man who actually does what he says he’s going to do or isn’t afraid to talk about the future or better yet the prospect of a future with you . . . until yesterday i was one of the few, the proud, a woman who could see a long term relationship on the horizon. i was faced with a strong man who was adamant and honest about his feelings for me and the possibility of “we” – not based on my own assumptions, but because he told me. i was filled with the overwhelming hope of solidifying a connection and bond through something other than a physical encounter. finally, the commitment, love and respect that i deserved.

that was until last night. my six hour suitor returned from an extended holiday trip and made it known that he missed me so much that he had to see me the night he returned to DC. Little did i know that this was only to let me know that “God was leading him in the direction of” a young woman he’d met before me. he also let me know that he still wanted to be friends with me because i am an amazing woman . . . i’m not one to stand in the way of God’s plans, but why was this guy even wasting my time and disrespecting “the chosen one” by even talking to me as seriously as he was . . . he was talking about marriage, kids, the whole nine yards, but to no avail cause that’s “not what God wanted”.

after he left i didn’t cry, there wasn’t much shocked and aww – honestly i’d actually anticipated this outcome. but it still sucks. there is nothing more disappointing than having your expectations established by someone only to have that person deflate the hope they initiated.