confessions of a fallback girl

fallback girl
function: noun

1: an individual who dates a man or woman after a serious relationship, helping them recover or learn from the previous, unwanted relationship while preparing them for the next relationship, never being considered as a viable candidate for commitment or relationship.

every couple of years i like to evaluate my life - take a look at what's working, what isn't and make adjustments as needed. in recent years i've noticed a few patterns, some that i'm happy with and others that require a complete overhaul.

over the past 10 years my role as a fallback girl has been as consistent as a monthly visit from aunt flow. a fallback is similar to sarah jessica parker's character in failure to launch - she is the springboard to get men out of the house, a fallback is the springboard to getting the typical heartbroken and scorned man back on the "playing field".

my first stint began my sophomore year of high school with the young man you currently know as 10. the fallback role lasted approximately 10 years, hence his nickname.

now how did this lovely merry-go-round of "i only see you when she's not available" begin you ask? let's retrace the steps . . . after a nasty break up with my first "true" love, 10 and I dated for about a month before he broke up with me to start dating his on again off again girl, with me, of course, filling in the gaps during their breakups.

several years after their relationship dissolved, he and i continued to see each other, but the spark was lost. eventually he and i realized that a relationship would not work with us and he is now a distant memory, but i have taken note of the fact that he is not the only person i've filled this role for.

there have been at least three other guys i've nurtured back to dating health or to the arms of the one's they weren't sure they wanted initially. in that, i am happy that i am able to produce productive dating citizens, however, my emotions become drained and tainted by the trauma of getting close to someone to have the rug snatched up from under me once they've achieved the goal of getting over the ex or making her suffer long so that he can go back.

am i too open, to fun, fabulous and fly to resist or do i emit some horomone which says that i'm the girl that can help a guy regain his mojo . . . guys often tell me i'm easy to talk to because i am not a "typical girl", but is this quality keeping me from the man of my dreams?

unavailable men are attracted to me like a mosquito's are attracted to sweet skin. no matter how many times i say to the universe i don't share, borrow or steal another woman's man i am tested by some charming ass man who just ended a relationship. every time i feel he could be "the one" and i find myself fixing him and hurting myself in the process.

my latest stint as fallback girl was a crushing experience and i vow to retire my jersey until my chi is free and clear of all emotional baggage and clutter. my heart is a beautiful thing and i can't continue to have it trampled on by men using me as a temp while they continue to interview a full time replacement.