Sexless in the City

for all my fans who thought i was done . . .

2007-07-25T22:58:00.000-05:00

please note that i'm just working like my life depends on it nowadays.

since starting my new job in January, my life and hours have taken a similar tone to the days of Hell a.k.a. WRG. i'm lucky to leave the office before 7 PM and i haven't seen a happy hour that wasn't work related in months. but all of this is not a complaint, aside from the 10 lbs i've put on with my regan building food court visits and late night dinners, rather a justification for the responsibilities and money i now have.

so in the coming days i'm going car shopping - a major fear of car ownership has to be tackled - and i'm looking for a condo!

DC is a fabulous city, so i have to buy my little piece of it, all 200K of it, sooner or later.

the army ten miler training began today - 11 weeks of training and hopefully 7-10 lbs lost. fingers crossed and positive thoughts in the air . . . oh and a 10 mile race completed, too.

best birthday EVER!

2007-04-16T22:16:00.000-05:00

wanna party, wanna dance, wanna be myself tonight . . .

due to the negative events of the past few months, i was hell-bent on having an amazing birthday celebration. a full blown, week-long extravaganza to ring in my new year. my own world tour. non-stop partying. it would be a birthday to remember!

seeing that beyonce re-released her b'day album on my b'day, the bar was pretty high on how out of control my celebrating would be. thanks to a set of deliberate missions of my self-proclaimed theme song, i got more than what i expected. much more.

WEEK OF EVENTS

friday - fellow aries b'day party

saturday - b'day buddy house party

sunday - dinner with the fam

monday - musiq concert at LOVE

tueday - b'day happy hour

wednesday & thursday - rest

friday - sushi with my mississppi folks

saturday - the official party

sunday - dinner with the fam and friends to recoup

before my "tour" was established, i found a pair of amazing red pumps in late feb or early march. the ultimate birthday shoe. no dress in sight or mind, but the shoe was a keeper even if i was forced to wear a pair of spanks and a bra.

mission one - i'mma put this on/when he see me

in this dress/i'mma get me some

late march, while lolly gagging during my lunch break, i wondered into banana republic and stumbled upon the cutest silk, black and white polka-dot wrap dress. a perfect match for the F-ME pumps.

mission two - gotta make that call/tell' em get the bottles poppin'

when they play my song

after many days of deliberating, i settled on a chic location in a nice part of town. my boy JB has a hookup, so it was pretty much a done deal to get a table, a couple of bottles in a spot with a nice DJ to ensure a night of fun.

mission three - got my three best friends/like we do it all

the time/we gon' do it again

one of my best friends from college, LL, decided that this would be a perfect weekend to finally come visit. BFF #1. my girl from NJ was coming home for easter weekend. BFF #2 and all of my other girls: E, CJ, Banke, A, etc. count as the third, since KD couldn't make it.

i ain't worried doing me tonight
a little sweat ain't never hurt nobody
while ya'll standin' on the wall
i'm the one tonight
getting bodied . . .

all i'm with tonight is gettin bodied
ain't no shame cuz I gotta get mine
swing my hair and kick off my shoes
come here boy, let me work on you

overall the night was filled with drinks, table dancing and endless memorable moments. the only way to top this year is to do absolutely nothing next year.

only the photos and hilarious anecdotes have allowed me to piece together the events of my glamorous event. i was so gone that i accused one my girls of being a no-show, until i saw a picture to prove her attendance. now that's a party. of course i can't show all of my pics, but here are a couple . . .

for shits and giggles, here's a head to head comparison of last year to this year . . .

last year: on the night of one of the worst storms of the spring, one of clients was stuck in the airport, in danger of missing a $20K speaking engagement, peppering my night with anxious moments and ridiculous phone calls the night of my party and actual b'day. STRESS!

this year: on the day of my actual b'day i was tasked with gathering 10 people, which grew to at least 20 at a restaurant, an amazing night to celebrate little ole' me, not to mention a nice tip for our waiter, who remembers me to this day. NO STRESS!

last year: crying at the end of the night because some simple little boy told me he would never love me. who the hell says that to someone on their b'day?

this year: crying at the end of the night because i was toasted and beyond happy with the number of people who came out to help me celebrate (and get me toasted). who the hell wouldn't cry when they are surrounded by friends and colleagues who are showing nothing but love?

at the end of the day, who gives two damns about last year . . . this year was amazing!

one year later . . .

2007-02-14T21:31:00.000-05:00

so to make a long story short, mr. man and i had a lovely thang going on - spent an amazing new year's eve together, went to the inaugural ball together - just an amazing time and the complete opposite of the mess of a whatever it was with the boy.

fast forward to a random evening and the boy text messaged me trying to push back up on me and i flat out, without a second thought turned him down. i found the strength to do that because of how mr. man made me feel.

of course four days later i find out mr. man is boy 2.0 - a liar, selfish, the list goes on and on . . .

so on valentine's day, exactly one year from the day that i sat across from the boy, i realize that the boy and mr. man taught me a lot and i thank them both for that. the grass is always greener, but i'm cool sittin here on the fence until mr. i appreciate you for who you are and want to make you happy comes along.

update: nov 06 - jan 07

2007-02-04T00:54:00.000-05:00

okay, so its been a while . . . sorry for the delay, but i've been making some adjustments and upgrading my life.

new job - check
new long hours to justify the new salary - check
new man - had one and he was a new and improved version of the old, so i let him go

so more on the new man that i had and let go, cause the whole situation was soo blog-alicious . . .

so a few weeks after boy and i went our separate ways, or i showed my not so mature side for the last time, my girl e told me to check out a personality test on one of these not so well know dating web sites. i obliged in an effort to learn a little more about myself and signed up for a temporary (free) profile. within a few days the winks and such trickled in and i was electronically introduced to a very nice young man who spent 6-7 weeks courting me.

details of liar 2.0 - 31, scorpio, 6'3", graduate of the same high school i attended, chocolate and politically aware, which was sooo necessary with the changes i have going on in my life, all and all he was a gentleman til the very end and i appreciated every moment prior to the downfall of the fairytale.

first date: movie and light fare. he was a little uptight, but not at all like the last first date i'd had with seeing that he didn't try to slob me down in the restaurant or invite himself up to my place. we sat in his car for 3 hours (i walked in my apartment at 3:15 AM) talking and swapping dating war stories. nice.

to be continued . . . and it well worth the wait

cashed in my v card

2006-12-06T00:25:00.000-05:00

today after work i lost my virginity. hair virginity that is. for the past year i've been growing my hair sans the chemical process that many of my friends have forsaken for one reason or another. if i'd realized how difficult it is to maintain natural hair when its as "strong" as mine, i would have reconsidered a LONG time ago.

seeing that my mother has had her hair locked for nearly 7 years and i'd cut my hair off before, i didn't think the going natural thing would be that difficult. yeah right.

when i wanted the bouncy, oprah look i'd get my hair pressed, yes old fashioned pressing comb and everything, but at $60 a pop every other week and the burned hair smell that i couldn't wash out was just too much. not to mention the fact that my hair, or lambs wool as it had affectionately been renamed, was too much for me to handle. my press wouldn't last more than 5 days, tops and walking around on the off weeks with a headwrap or looking like combs didn't like me was not gonna work anymore.

being kinly/curly or for the sake of being real, nappy, was cool, it was like being a virgin all over again. to see the amazement in the eyes of non-natural sisters was similar to the awe that i saw in others faces when my "untouched" friends in college would announce there sexual purity. up until today i had virgin hair and i was proud of it. i guess the means that i can't buy that "curly" tee shirt from miss jessies.

the internal struggle that many of my sisters and i face when it comes to hair are not clearly understood by our white counterparts - to relax or not to relax is a serious question. even my fairer-skinned less-kinky haired sisters can't fully comprehend the idea of a hot comb not being enough to tame the tangles and kinks for a long period of time. what they fail to realize is managing hair should not be this diffucult or expensive.

god made relaxers just for me and at this point in my life i am not going to fight the demons or feel less black because being natural is the new fad. i've embraced my native roots (for a whole 12 months) and my hair is healthier for it, but at this point i was sacrificing my health and exercise because of my hair issues and that ain't gonna work.

so thanks to my fabulous stylist, fela and his friend, for hooking me up. super bone straight hair is the groove again in my book. one day my mother and i won't look so mix matched ;)

artist portrayal of NT and her momma - locks and perm - okay not really cause i'm not 14!

moving right along . . .

2006-11-30T21:42:00.000-05:00

so the chapter has finally closed on me and the boy. yes, this is long overdue, but hey, everything happens in due time. unfortunately, i was unable to walk away from the situation with an ounce of dignity, but whatever, the humiliation of the final moments will keep me from going back for more embarrassment.

in the end, i have no regrets. enough lies were told, too much resentment built up, overall, despite the love we shared, there was no true respect. i screamed and cursed him, he lied and cheated on me - fucked with my karma. in every moment there is a lesson and i have learned more about me, my limits and my strengths and weaknesses.

i harbor no ill will towards the boy. our judgement was impaired, the foundation was never solid and we never had a chance. but i love him still and i miss him for what he was to me and the friend that i thought he always would be.

thanks for the memories . . .

SHUT THE F*UCK UP ROSIE!!! DAYUM!!!

2006-11-22T10:04:00.000-05:00

so yesterday i stumbled upon the news that kelly ripa was none to happy with her guest co-host clay aiken. while on the show he was a rude and obnoxious smart ass, which made it hard for kelly to be her usual "i'm so happy to host this show" self.

while they were interviewing Emmit Smith, clay decided that he would cover kelly's mouth with his hand so he could ask a question. here's where the drama begins . . . kelly called him out on it and said what any NORMAL person would say "i don't know where your hands have been". living in a major city and knowing full well that some people are not as big on hygiene as others, i understand kelly's issue with that. gay or not, if you shake hands with a room full of people, people who may have changed a diaper and not washed their hands or wiped their own dirty bottom and skipped the sink, and think its appropriate to cover someone elses mouth with your now ecoli ridden hands you've got some serious issues and should be bitch slapped. but did kelly do that - nope, she simply called him out on it.

donald trump doesn't shake hands, does that make him a people-phobe or racist? no, he simply doesn't like germs!!!

when my girl e is kissed on the hand by the random homeless man and immediately walks away scrubbing her hand with antibacterial wipes does that make her anti-homeless, nope, she just doesn't like other people's germs on her body.

so to say that kelly's statement was homophobic is ridiculous! what dumbass would think that she was referring to his sexual orientation? the same dumbass that wants to put everybody else's business out there - star had a gastic bypass, o and gayle are gay, blah, blah, blah . . . bitch mind your business and worry about your own. now when kelly is off the show for a week cause she got the flu, don't say a damn thing, just know that she got it from dirty handed clay touching her all in the mouth. rude ass!

No money in da bank, shawdee I can't drank

2006-11-15T16:00:00.000-05:00

okay, that title is lame as hell, but that's how i feel dammit!!! today marks my first high ass DC rent check and it hurts. when i moved into my spot in Nov of 04, i was a little nervous about paying $900 a month, but my spot is in SW DC on the waterfront and my utilities are included. the Nov 05 marked the first increase and it was brutal - a whole $95, but again, i reasoned that away by noting the improvements that were being made in my condo building and the fact that my spot was my spot, no roommate, no momma, just me to blame when the place was a mess and the dishwasher wasn't loaded. AND my rend was under $1000, YEPPIE!!!!

then the bubble burst and hit me smack in the face a few weeks ago, the cost of living allowed my landlord - a very nice guy by the way - to raise my rent by $30. YES a meager $30. mind you that now puts me at $1025 - GOTDAMN!!! to live in a damn studio and the building doesn't have a gym. Ummmm and to add insult to injury I have to pay for my cable now - WTF!!! so now i'm reconsidering the whole roommate thing, but by the time my lease ends, i'll feel too old to have one, but in this high rent ass area i need a man, a partner, a sponsor, somebody's kid to claim on my taxes or something. a part-time gig may be the answer, but my job frowns upon second jobs since my department is pretty much on call 24/7.

so the first of many uber high ass rent checks to be paid over the next 12 months was just handed to my landlord face to face, since we work up the street from one another, but i'm working on my backup plan - buying my own waterfront area condo!

See, that's the problem . . .

2006-11-15T12:35:00.000-05:00

Now that mid-term elections are out of the way, the poli folks start handing out assignments to pat the dedicated people on the back. Pelosi has given her support to Murtha for his years of service, even though he was the underdog to MD's Hoyer - that tug of war makes sense, cause it comes down to whatever makes the folks happy behind closed doors, right?

What I don't understand is HOW IN THE HELL the Repubs can preach about wanting inclusiveness, etc. and elect this racist fool as minority whip? Oh, yeah, this is the same party that elected Bush to two terms.

Good ole boy Trent is from the great state of Mississippi (I do love my home state) and did have a few Katrina related issues (that's where my love for him stops), but he is not the face of "we respect black people" that the Red party needs right now. Umm, obviously the whole Michael Steele party of we are open to understanding the needs of America's minorities and want them to sit on this side of the isle deal was just a farce. To add insult to injury they offered the RNC top dog job to my fellow DC area catholic school graduate Mike, but dayum, Trent's job has too much pull for this to really balance out and be a good look for the Red team.

I'm all about common ground and finding balance so that despite the various stances that we take on the hundreds of moral or poli issues that help us determine our flying colors of red or blue. My friends know I'm more red than blue, but I even out to a nice shade of purple at the end of the day.

I guess the idea behind this dumb ass decision is to push the envelope as much as possible since the Dems have taken over - ummmmmm, what political strategist came up with that foolishness??? (it makes sense, but come on) - so that when Bush is out of office in 08 they still have a strong arm. These are the types of decisions that continue to push this country into political and race-based corners. WHAT THE HELL???

Thank the Lord for little miracles!

2006-11-07T16:50:00.000-05:00

In recent days we've heard news of so many celeb divorces coming down the pipes that this shouldn't be a shock, but whoa nelly . . .

The heavens have opened and B. Spears has finally seen the light. According to People.com, Mr. and Mrs. Federline are no more – Shar Jackson is on the phone with her T-Mobile Top 5 giggling and crying at the same time talkin ‘bout “I told her it wouldn’t last, but how is my child support gonna get paid now?”

a weekend of good times

2006-11-06T12:12:00.000-05:00

so my weekend was pretty cool - very busy and productive. friday night i attended a fenty for mayor event, who can turn down wine, cheese and poli talk?

saturday i left my house at 10 AM had brunch in adam's morgan with some friends, left the morgan (which is so odd during daylight hours when you think of all the foolishness that takes place when the sun goes down) and worked at the campaign office from 12:45 to 8 PM - yeah, i'm puttin in my time.

after leaving there i met up with another group of girs for dinner at one of my favorite spots - busboys and poets - for a collegemates birthday. that dinner was fabulous, although my meatloaf was super dry and not as tasty as the waiter told me it would be, but i was hungrier than a hostage, so i had to take one of the team. i walked back in my house at 12:45 AM. LONG DAY and good times. nothing like an evening with the ladies discussing the troubles of natural hair and being a single woman in the city to top off a night.

my sunday was el fabulous . . . my girl came over to blow out my hair for my evening. the redskins beat the cowboys - 'nuff said. i met up with my girls to see robin thicke and john legend at crampton. sorry to say that i was excited about seeing robin since i am diggin his album a heluva lot more than john's sophomore disappointment. there are songs that i like on once again, but it just doesn't jive like get lifted. robin on the other hand brings it from beginning to end, which is why i missed the first song and a half of john's performance to take a picture with RT . . . good times.

now its monday and its back to the grind.

that little voice in my head just won't listen

2006-11-01T12:19:00.001-05:00

I was on an unintentional break . . . hope I haven't fallen off the blogger radar completely.

well, nothing is really going on in my life - the same back and forth nonsense with notreallythatimportant men/boys - today happens to be the boy's 26th birthday, so I was kind enough to send him a card. thats the most I could do for someone who was special enough at one point in time to actually meet my daddy.

I was having a conversation over email with AM today about the perils of dating. I realized that I can dish out fabulous advice, but i'm horrible at listening to my own little voice. so I sat back thinking what would I would have said to myself about the boy situation . . . I pondered this and realized that we all give advice, but we seldom take the advice we've received.

in the however many countless discussion i've had with others about my problems or theirs, I think I can recall one of my friends who has the willpower to stop something the first time a red flag is raised. today I told AM the following:

don't go into thinking that he's a sleezeball trying to get in your
panties, just be on guard with yourself. i'm also not saying that you have
to go by the unspoken # date guidelines, but rather get a better sense of what
his intentions are before you decide to let him come over or you go over because
things will lead to the next few things and . . . well you know. if you're
cautious on this side of the issue you will save yourself time, energy and
emotions on the back end.

that is some damn good advice and I didn't know I had it in me . . . from here on out i'll listen to that side of myself a little more often. we'll see how that turns out.

recent developments

2006-09-27T11:19:00.000-05:00

well the past few days have been rather newsworthy . . .

anna nicole's baby is now being claimed by her lawyer, howard k. stern. if she hadn't suffered a recent loss, i'd suggest taking it to maury and having an down and dirty hour of "who's her baby daddy?" it would be a nice change of pace to have the guys take a girl own and both wanna claim the baby versus the usual "let me bring 15 men on the show
and not a single one of them be the father . . . "

the stress of life, ridicule and responsibilty has finally caught up with T.O. apparently, T.O., unfortunately, attempted to commit suicide. thankfully an unidentified friend was with him shortly after he'd taken the pills and interviened. life is not easy and depression is not a joke. i'm glad T.O. had someone there to step in and show him the love that he felt he lacked. be easy T.O. and know that you are not alone.

unfortunately the sad news continues . . . rev. run and his wife justine lost their baby girl yesterday. my prayers go out to them and their family.

we are constantly reminded that life is precious . . . let someone know that you love them unconditionally, you never know what cards life has dealt them.

Subject: a chance meeting on a sunday afternoon

2006-09-18T20:00:00.000-05:00

on my way home from church on sunday, as i'm walking down my street i noticed a car pass me, the driver stealing a glance in my direction. thinking nothing of it i continue on my path as the car turns left onto a cross street. as i cross that street, i look to my left to see the car turning about in a driveway and making a left back onto the main street, the driver again looking at me.

this time i think two things - 1) he's probably feeling stupid because he's lost looking for one of these open houses and 2) i hope that this man isn't trying to holla.

as i continue down mystreet i noticed that the car has made a u turn and has pulled into a space marked by a fire hydrant. the gentleman steps out of his car and heads towards the sidewalk, not intimidating in anyway, about 5'7" or 5'8", maybe 175 lbs, glasses, a regular square looking dude with Connecticut tags on a early 90's volvo.

the guy approaches me with a grin and says "do you realize what you just made me do?" confused and still weary of being approached by a stranger, I answer - No.

"well, i left the safeway parking lot, drove down 4th street . . ." and he continues to recount all of the various turns and illegal maneuvers he's made to tell me one simple thing, "you are beautiful, absolutely georgeous."

at this point i'm at a loss for words, but realize that this form of flattery gets people killed, but he continues on and i stand in the beautiful weather soaking up the sun and compliments. i have a man and i of course say that i do, the first line of defense for a single woman is to claim someone to ensure that the suitor is thrown off by you being attached. he says that my man is a very lucky to have me and that if he weren't married he'd have to give him a run for his money. he asks to see my left hand and asks why i don't have a ring to note my significance to this gentleman and i answer simply "because he's an idiot". he asks several questions - is he in school, is he working, he must be young and i answer each question honestly about a man who is not honestly my boyfriend. the suitor and i exchanged pleasantries and i pass along my business card for some weird reason and he promises me a poem.

at 4 PM today i receive the following email.

From: volvo man
Sent: Monday, September 18, 2006 4:00 PMTo: nubiantemptres43
Subject: a chance meeting on a sunday afternoon

nt-

let me apologize for finding you such a striking young lady. in no way did i intend to insult you or invade your space, although i was a bit forward in my honest admission regarding you being so attractive. i may only hope that you did not feel awkward or anxious because of my "youthful" exuberance. :)

with that sincere apology (and apologia) out of the way, please accept this poem in recognition of our chance meeting ...

i eat words,
devour them in bunches
as if a sweet fruit
savoring them in my mouth
letting them rest in the back of my mind
as if they were the ragged, jagged, jumbled
notes of a jazz tune
heard late ... 'round midnight
(at some smoke/filled joint'where the tenor/man wails)...

now for the sake of keeping this man's sweet nothing sweet and only provide a snippet of the poem. there are 5 more stanzas, but i'll be nice and not put him out there like that.

but i was wise enough to share this two day tango with the boy. i of course left out the part about him being an idiot, until he offered this revelation himself. after hearing the story of some man doting on me for 5-7 minutes the boy admitted to me that he was an idiot for not giving up on chasing behind women who don't mean anything. he also admitted that he's scared of commitment with me specifically because he thinks his karma will come back to bite him in the ass with me and he will be devastated. LIKELY FUCKING STORY.

after receiving the email today, i was kind enough to share the poem with the boy as a simple reminder - if you don't want to take a risk, someone else is willing, waiting and able. well, not really in this case, but who gives a damn, its somewhat effective.

regardless of any of this, volvo man is married and not my type, although i plan on working outside the norm soon. while my poem was being penned, the boy and i spent a quiet evening together watching football and building our "friendship" and in the moment that is more than enough to keep me satisfied.

fly like a bird . . .

2006-09-07T23:41:00.000-05:00

tonight i had the absolute pleasure of seeing the one and only Mariah Carey. yes, i am a mariah fan and i'm not ashamed to admit it to anyone. not only does she have an amazing voice, but she has been graced with an amazing spirit - not many people can have a public breakdown and bounce back as well as she has.

my coworker, ivory, and i left the office and headed over to drinx to have dinner and a couple of martinis before the show.

sean paul's warm up was not too bad, i'm not a huge fan, but he was good at getting the crowd hype. gotta love pop music, no matter what genre, right?

now to the meat, mariah. needless to say, the show was great and i left the verizon center fulfilled, no need to complain about damn good seats and a decent playlist . . . mariah did the old and the new and even surprised us with a few guests, including DJ Clue, Da Brat, Trey Lorenz - true mariah fans will know him - and American Idol judge and producer, Randy Jackson.

now, to be absolutely honest, i was a little thrown by mariah's use of the same dress pattern (mind you, was not the most flattering) in different colors. the backless and sideless dress fit, but didn't do it for her at all. i wasn't surprised to see her sporting the boy briefs, bra and sheer robe thing, but i was expecting something a little more original. overall, i'd give the show a 9, seeing that the show started a little later than i anticipated and ended sooner than i'd hoped.

THANKS MIMI!

source: people magazine

pics from the show coming soon . . .

confessions of a fallback girl

2006-08-30T11:23:00.000-05:00

fallback girl
function: noun

1: an individual who dates a man or woman after a serious relationship, helping them recover or learn from the previous, unwanted relationship while preparing them for the next relationship, never being considered as a viable candidate for commitment or relationship.

every couple of years i like to evaluate my life - take a look at what's working, what isn't and make adjustments as needed. in recent years i've noticed a few patterns, some that i'm happy with and others that require a complete overhaul.

over the past 10 years my role as a fallback girl has been as consistent as a monthly visit from aunt flow. a fallback is similar to sarah jessica parker's character in failure to launch - she is the springboard to get men out of the house, a fallback is the springboard to getting the typical heartbroken and scorned man back on the "playing field".

my first stint began my sophomore year of high school with the young man you currently know as 10. the fallback role lasted approximately 10 years, hence his nickname.

now how did this lovely merry-go-round of "i only see you when she's not available" begin you ask? let's retrace the steps . . . after a nasty break up with my first "true" love, 10 and I dated for about a month before he broke up with me to start dating his on again off again girl, with me, of course, filling in the gaps during their breakups.

several years after their relationship dissolved, he and i continued to see each other, but the spark was lost. eventually he and i realized that a relationship would not work with us and he is now a distant memory, but i have taken note of the fact that he is not the only person i've filled this role for.

there have been at least three other guys i've nurtured back to dating health or to the arms of the one's they weren't sure they wanted initially. in that, i am happy that i am able to produce productive dating citizens, however, my emotions become drained and tainted by the trauma of getting close to someone to have the rug snatched up from under me once they've achieved the goal of getting over the ex or making her suffer long so that he can go back.

am i too open, to fun, fabulous and fly to resist or do i emit some horomone which says that i'm the girl that can help a guy regain his mojo . . . guys often tell me i'm easy to talk to because i am not a "typical girl", but is this quality keeping me from the man of my dreams?

unavailable men are attracted to me like a mosquito's are attracted to sweet skin. no matter how many times i say to the universe i don't share, borrow or steal another woman's man i am tested by some charming ass man who just ended a relationship. every time i feel he could be "the one" and i find myself fixing him and hurting myself in the process.

my latest stint as fallback girl was a crushing experience and i vow to retire my jersey until my chi is free and clear of all emotional baggage and clutter. my heart is a beautiful thing and i can't continue to have it trampled on by men using me as a temp while they continue to interview a full time replacement.

do what you gotta do . . .

2006-08-28T23:09:00.000-05:00

after too many months of making the most out of something so right it was wrong, i have finally called it quits with the boy. now those close to me have heard this too many times to count and have even suggested that this time is not the last, but the greater DC area can rest assured that the dynamic duo is no more.

its difficult to put our situation into words, but in the six months i spent with the boy i learned more about my ability to learn, love, forgive and become fed up.

it was the best of times - he spent time with me and mommie, had the rare oppotunity to meet my father and professed his love for me (first). it was the worst of times - he lied, cheated and disrespected me as a friend. he was my best friend and worst enemy. we brought out the best in the other and enabled our negative traits. we appreciated each other and neglected each other. we'd met our match.

i learned my limits and would not change that. the journey i took to accomplish that goal compromised to much of who i am and who i want to be and i will never forgive him for that. but i appreciate him for the opportunity to learn and love.

when did you fall in love with hip hop?

2006-08-26T16:06:00.000-05:00

after a full morning of shopping, washing clothes, getting my hair done and watching movies, i'm now starving and waiting for the sun to set. as black august comes to a close, i'm getting the itch to call it even and say i did my part in the struggle. then i'm reminded of the 26.2 in january and my inner fortitude kicks in.

my girl C and i just finished watching brown sugar and in an effort to discourage any pre-sunset eating i'm consider the main question of this film - when did you fall in love with hip hop?

i'd have to say i fell in love with hip hop my sophomore year of high school. after a night of joyriding and having a little underage fun, my friend footes popped in a cd and i knew that love was real. hearing black thought plea with the object of his affection rang in my ears and created a bond that spans over 10 years. silent treatment was the first roots song i ever heard and i have been in love with the band ever since. everthing from random free concerts in b-more, the annual show at the 9:30 club to the most recent show at fur, the roots are a staple in my life.

now, i'd heard hip hop before and appreciated it in its formative years, but the roots gave me a new outlook - hip hop was more than rap. as an only child i grew up on anita baker, johnny gill before new edition, teena marie and al green. listening to 95.5 wasn't my mother's thing and my thing was her thing.

the roots gave way to talib, talib to mos def and the journey continues til this day.

ode to reggie

2006-08-24T22:10:00.000-05:00

praise god . . . thank you, jesus

wiser words have never been spoken - actions speak louder than words

2006-08-20T23:39:00.000-05:00

happy black august

i spent the weekend in atlanta. my girl had business to tend to and i went along for the ride to avoid sitting in my own misery. over the course of a day and a half i was inspired, enlightened and encouraged.

the lsat won't be so bad

in the 5 years since i left the gates of tougaloo college i've been toying with the idea of going to grad school, but never made any major steps to do anything real. recently i've been hit with the law school bug, so i've started the process of truly wrapping my brain around the idea. we shall see, i've been told that i have the ego to be a lawyer. would i be wrong to take that as a compliment?

48 laws of power . . .

my temper has been one of my pitfalls for many years - ask any of my friends. in a matter of moments i can switch from mary poppins to the hulk in 3.8 seconds flat when provoked. my weekend host and former college classmate is reading 48 laws of power and suggested i give it a look. one of the rules/explainations that jumped at me dealt with control of ones emotions. over the years i've gotten sooo much better at this, but its a daily battle for me. damn near spiritual warfare to put it mildly.

the most recent victim of my wrath was a dear friend. he and i have gone back in forth before, but this disagreement quickly switched from a colorful conversation to a one sided attack. in an effort to create a new wedge, i pushed him over the edge.

one of those rules said something to the effect of knowing when to stop. i wish i'd read that rule before and known when to shut the f*ck up. fasting and heated conversations with the love of your life don't mix. its a little late now to fix a heart that's broken . . .

cspan is best discussed at 1 AM

cspan ran a panel discussion about the state of the young black man in america with panelist such as bill cosby, raz baraka and the val and sal of a local high school, both yound black men. the discussion prompted an active conversation that has put the fire under me to do more with my free time than watch project runway or run my mouth on the phone.

i stand corrected

2006-08-18T11:24:00.000-05:00

apparently (and according to Young, Black, and Fabulous) ms. alexis "blank" is not the same chick he mentions on his first album. either way it goes, i wish them the best of luck and future blessings since hollywood couples aren't doing that well these days.

as I sit and listen to John Legend's "Ordinary People" and scroll through People's timeline of Star Breakups I'm reminded how difficult relationships can be no matter who you are. even with the support of family, friends and fans and having countless counselors at their disposal, celebs face the same problems we do in relationships, we're all human.

my last relationship was marvelous when it was good and horrific when it was bad, but overall, i'd never been as happy with anyone as I was with him. by no fault of our own, we were constantly involving other people in our issues and problems, and rarely included anyone in our happier times, making it difficult for anyone to offer the positive support we needed to handle negative situations.

in retrospect, one of our mutual friends made the statement that if the honeymoon phase isn't problem free then the relationship isn't worth the effort. i'd have to disagree. i think having trouble free days, weeks, month or even years sets false expectations and when a disagreement final comes up the "love" is blown out of the water.

based on my most recent experience i'd rather fight it out early to clean up any mess that would rear its ugly head later. in learning how to argue on the front end you're more likely to incorporate more positive communication habits later.

overall, unlike demi and aston, couples will fight and face the harsh reality of miscommunication, its how you weather the storm that counts in the long run. my hats go off to the couples who have mastered this and show the ordinary people how its really done. thoughts?

say it isn't so kanye . . .

2006-08-15T21:17:00.000-05:00

its pitiful that this is what has brought me back to the blogging circle, but it is what it is.

i was so upset it took me a whole day to get over the recent news - my lover is now engaged - the horror. it doesn't matter that we have never met, he was being a little too hasty in popping the question before actually meeting me.

if you live in a hip hop news bubble, kanye west has proposed to his on-again-off-again (ex) girlfriend, alexis "blank". i was comforted in the fact that he didn't propose to that brooke chick, but i've lost faith in my fellow snoops, as not a single one can come up with a last name for this unidentified woman.

are none of you journalist kanye fans? have any of you been listening? has anyone considered that the unknown alexis' last name is perhaps, rany (sp?)?

track 8 of kanye's first album, college dropout, never let me down features the following lyrics:

So i promised to Mr. Rany i'm gonna marry your daughter . . .

1 + 1 always = 2

now, it has also been mentioned that the girl in question was around prior to his infamous 2002 car accident. i bet that this alexis "blank" is probably a delta, too, if you do some investigating and listen hard enough.

And just imagine how my girl feel
On the plane scared as hell that her guy look like Emitt Till
She was with me before the deal she been trying to be mine
She a delta so she been throwing that Dynasty sign

Through the Wire, College Dropout

well, my pain has been replaced with my desire to reveal this chicks true identity. the search continues . . .

degrees of separation

2006-07-09T23:21:00.000-05:00

i'm constantly reminded of how small the world actually is nowadays. in random DC conversations its easy to hear the name of someone you know by way of someone else. during a encounter with fellow HBCU alums, its easy to find a greek connection, hometown connection or just weird i know him/her from a party connection.

recently these random connections have come to a head for me. one of my girls is actually dating a guy she went to college with and he just so happens to be from the city where i went to college and my best friend from college used to babysit for his family. the most recent connection has been between a guy i've known for years, i'll call him HU Man, but never dated and a guy i was seeing. i innocently let my beau at the time use my computer to do whatever and in glancing at my im friend list he noticed a name familiar to him from his college days.

beau: you know HU Man
NT: yeah . . . (as i made the college connection and realized that this could potentially be a problem seeing that i was trying to hook up a hookup session with HU Man)
beau: really? how well do you know him? how do you know him?
NT: we met a few years ago at a club in VA and we've stayed in touch
beau: oh, in the club, so i know AB got some, he is an [undisclosed Greek organization], you know how those dudes can be, i know he got that, or at least tried. .
NT: umm, no (an honest answer, seeing that he had tried, but i remained fully aware of the tinge of jealousy in beau's questions and statements)
beau: you know if you and [undisclosed Greek organization] boy talked or whatever, we would have to stop talking
NT: well, then we're fine, he and i never messed with each other and i don't foresee it happening beau: ever?
NT: ever

beau and i have had situations where HU Man has come up, and it was always reinforced that if he and i talked there would a problem. i'm not one to gamble with the connection thing, seeing that it bit me in the ass a few years ago.

fast forward a few months . . . here's a conversation between me and HU man

HU Man: sooooooo, when can I SEE U?!?!
NT: ummmm, that may be a problem
HU Man: nevermind
HU Man: no need to elaborate on THAT one.
NT: i used all my vacation on hawaii
HU Man: uh huh
NT: what?
HU Man: I thought you were gonna say something else, like you had a boyfriend or something
NT: well . . .
NT: that's not exactly far from the truth either
HU Man: noooooooooooooooooooooooo!
NT: i guess you didn't get what i was saying on that email last week
HU Man: what did I miss?!?!
NT: the email where i said i could never talk to/date/mess with you because of a school connection
HU Man: who cares about the HU connection
NT: he cares
HU Man: me and my classmates aren't attached at the hip
HU Man: He KNOWS me?!?!
NT: yeah
NT: i told you that in the email
HU Man: WHO IS HE?
NT: i'm not telling you
HU Man: tell me
HU Man: how you gonna DISCUSS ME with him, but not tell me WHO HE IS?!?
HU Man: HUH?!?!
NT: i don't discuss you with him
HU Man: but he KNOWS that you KNOW ME.
HU Man: WTF?!!?
NT: yeah
NT: that thru me for a loop, too
NT: he saw your name on my im list
HU Man: you're killin me dude
NT: its [beau]
HU Man: WTF?!!?
NT: he's not my boyfriend though
NT: just to clarify . . .
after several moments of silence . . .
NT: are you not speaking to me now?
NT: alrighty
NT: well . . . have a great night

well, apparently HU Man was taken for a loop by the reveal and a 5 year friendship is now obsolete because i dated someone who flat out told me "you know if you and HU Man ever messed with each other we would have to stop talking". Seeing that HU Man seemed to only want my panties and we've never seen each other since meeting in the club YEARS ago, there is no reason to put something tangible on the line for a possible and never-tested jumpoff.

but, being the second guesser that i am, i keep wondering if i should have said anything at all . . . i guess i'll never know.

welcome back!!!

2006-07-09T00:36:00.000-05:00

happy belated 4th and all that good stuff.

well, i've pretty much adjusted to be being back on the east coast. hawaii was fabulous and i would love to go back, but that whole ship thing, not so much. the idea of battling motion sickness is not one that i'm all that excited about.

either way it goes, i wouldn't trade the experience for the world, okay, i may have traded alaska for the change to have one of my friends with me on the criuse, but its not mine to give away, so . . .

stay tuned to catch up on the recent happenings . . . i'm tired, so check out these scenic pictures from hawaii.

i'm jumpin this ship . . . ok, not really, but . .

2006-06-16T12:16:00.000-05:00

well, i've been outta pocket for the past few weeks - running around getting stuff together for my trip to hawaii!!! put the jealousy aside for a moment, i know you wish you could be on vacation for 13 days, but, listen, this is a family vacation that i've been forced to participate in (wink!) my dad twisted my arm and tricked me into taking several long flights halfway across the country to drink and relax. BOO!!!

well, while i'm in hawaii i'll be pondering the recent turn of events with the boy and 10. diva527 recently inquired about my need for self-inflicted pain, i think her exact words were "you are a glutton for punishment". right now the pain is working out in my favor, so i think i'd have to say i'm more of a immediate gratification kinda girl - like my girl from Gray's Anatomy. either way it goes, i didn't make the little boy want to come to my momma's for sunday dinner or ask me to assist with his fight party or even spend days on end with him while playing playstation, listening to miles davis and eating my world famous lasagna and visiting with my parents.

10 isn't stepping up and i may have some need for attention that must be satisfied. right now that need is being satisfied and i'm keeping my guard up. he and i get each other and i enjoy spending time with someone i can relate to. it is what it is. one day it will all make sense.

so, as i count down the hours to my flight outta the dc area, i'm comforted by the recent fond memories.

bon voyage, and all that jazz, i'll check in periodically, but for the next 13 days i'm officially a lady of leisure.

reunited and it feels too good

2006-05-31T21:51:00.000-05:00

on sunday i was faced with the horror of attacking my apartment to look for my birth certificate for my trip to hawaii and washing several loads of clothes. once i walked into the apartment i realized that i would need a little help from the opposite sex to move things around to actually find anything.

as my luck would have it, my list of able bodied men ready to jump at the chance to help a temptress in distress all live in the great state of miss'ippi. i was up shit's creek without a paddle and resorted to desperate measures to get a little help. as i searched my phone for who to call i made two calls, both placed as pseudo tests of loyalty . . .

the first to the little boy, the second to the perpetual ten year ex, yup you guessed it - the guy who placed me in the pre-engagement girlfriends club also known as "10". these calls would only produce the exact results i wasn't looking for . . .

after spending the day at diva527's washing clothes, i headed to my new temporary home - the holiday inn. i checked my voicemail and was taken aback by the message and the sender. it was 10. our last conversation replayed in my head and my heart floated in a uncomfortable heaviness. i took down his number and debated making the call. i dialed the numbers and after several rings a female answered:

NT: may i speak to 10
un id'ed female: you have the wrong number
NT: excuse the call

dayummmmmm, thank goodness, cuz if that was her, he is bold as hell

dial again . . . he picks up on the second ring . . . and a wave of uncomfortable ease comes over me. as we catch up on small talk, i of course give him the run down of my experience with the little boy. damn my need to look like i've moved on, but hell, ain't nobody sittin around waiting on a soon to be married man.

then the conversation rolls in a familiar direction, a direction that an engaged man could/should never take a conversation. the elephant in the room.

10: can i see you?
NT: ummm, so anyway, can you believe this man stopped talking to me because i left my underwear at his house?
10: are you ignoring my question on purpose?
NT: that is not a question you should ask
10: the question you don't want to ask was answered when i left you that voicemail. are you really that slow?
NT: my inner blonde takes over every once in a while, why don't you just tell me . . .
10: she's gone

SHE'S GONE! WTF? that's what the fuck i'm talking about, i spent hour upon hour crying my eyes out for you to get engaged, buy a house, move a chic in, bicker with her over trivial BS, breakup, call off your engagement and put her the fuck out - all in less than a year and a half.

WTF??????

of course the daytime drama of NT and 10 picked up right where it left off and the quicksand closed in around my old navy flip flops . . .

just my luck

2006-05-30T22:14:00.000-05:00

as my spring/summer luck would have it, i recently experienced a major set back in my effort to end the cycle with the little boy. i wanted to have an adult conversation to bring closure to our situation, but i was beaten to the punch by my own haste.

two tuesdays ago, the little boy allowed me to play house, due to my housing situation. after a lovely evening, i decided to change clothes in the closest bathroom. i grabbed clothes from the bag that i'd sloppily packed earlier that evening, picking up the first thing i saw that was remotely casual. after quickly changing, i reached to turn off the bathroom light and noticed that i'd dropped a sock that apparently fell out of the pants that i threw on. i picked up the black sock and went about my business with the little boy as usual . . .

the next evening while on my way to momma's house to pack for my trip to the 'sip, i called the little boy to shoot the shit. he promptly invited me and momma over so momma could see his new house. we take the grand tour and we leave shortly after. a good evening, or so i thought.

several hours later i receive a not so pleasent phone call from the little boy, here is the conversation:

Little Boy: we need to talk
NT: oooookay, about what?
LB: dude . . .
NT: oh, come on, why because we came over there, its not that deep, you invited us over
LB: naw, dude, you left your panties in my bathroom
NT: what, no, i did not
LB: yes you did, but you know what, don't worry about it
NT: what do you mean "don't worry about it", if i left my panties in your bathroom, it was completely unintentional
LB: naw, man, that was fucked up, don't worry about it . . . [click]

he hangs up in my face and sends me a text message to ensure i know that i am no longer welcome in his home. the text message exchange gets increasingly more heated and continues for the next 30 minutes. i call his home and cell to stop the texting madness and talk like two adults, but he sends my calls to voicemail. i continue to send messages explaining my position of embarrassment and innocence, to no avail.

my guess is that a chick came over and saw the panties and called him out on the panties . . . whatever the reason his response was completely uncalled for.

note to self: always check the floor for all of your stuff when changing clothes at psycho scorpio's house, you'll save your self a lot of drama in the long run . . .

"big momma thick wit it" seeks diet advice from pop idol

2006-05-25T12:24:00.000-05:00

how hard can it be to lose 15 pounds a month for 4 months? apparently not too difficult if you ask ms. dupree AKA janet jackson. now i'm not one to flash my voluptuousness on national television, but when it comes to dropping 60 pounds, hell 25 for that matter, i'm going to follow the diet queen's obvious path of results. now, what i won't do is lie about why i gained the extra weight i put on. i'm not trying out the new big girl look, nor am i attempting to see the difference in the attention i get from guys with different looks - long hair/big body, long hair/little body - i just put on weight, plain and simple.

now as we age, we all pack on a pound or two, but as a former hot body (not my own quote, thank god) and avid runner there was no reason for me to EVER wear a size 14. somehow my love for food took precedence over my 12 grade vow to never get any larger than a small 10. looking back i see each phase in my life that added another little pound to my frame and cannot fault myself for overeating, but i can fault my inner temptress for not doing something to combat my need to eat in the face of adversity.

phase 1 - sophomore year and birth control. yeah, i blame my pills. i ate anything that wasn't moving and didn't care to stop myself. my mother promptly stepped in and provided me with an inspirational quote that i will forever hold near and dear to my heart. "its birth control for you because no one will want to have sex with you - you've gotten too big!"

let's just say that i stopped taking the pill and shed the pounds very quickly.

phase 2 - post graduation/real job + real money = real food. once you've switched from the diet of ramen noodles to the diet of hamburger helper, the pounds seem to slip in there out of nowhere. eating regular meals and not drinking and dancing in place of dinner can really do a number on your metabolism. food was my friend, food that was a step up from cafeteria meals was my lover.

luckily i had a roommate who gave me the running bug and i trained for a 1/2 marathon in the dead of summer - the pounds fell off and my inner janet began to surface.

phase 3 - on again off again love. as my dear friend AM mentioned the other day, the self inflicted torture of love can have many effects on a woman. my outlet for any break up was to wallow in my misery and forfeit any type of energy that would make me attractive to anyone of the opposite sex. this was then intensified by the desire to be as desirable as humanly possible and the pounds would again float off . . . this same phase continues to this very day.

now what? i'm going to by us weekly, read the article like a diet crack fiend and apply any and every principle of JJ's regimen to my lifestyle - IMMEDIATELY!!! i'm running the race for the cure in June, i'm running the rock and roll 1/2 marathon in september and will continue to run as long as my knee will allow me to. this on again off again battle of the bulge is now officially over, as my muse has set a standard that i cannot ignore.

hawaii here i come!!!

thanks again destiny's child . . . you said it better than i ever could - he even said so himself

2006-05-19T12:20:00.000-05:00

apparently i used the wrong song to describe the latest installment of "playing with the little boy who is as crazy as i am, if not more".

two saturdays before my apartment flood i found out that the reason the little boy kept going in and out of my life was the fact that he had a girlfriend . . . interesting how anything done in the dark comes to light . . . more info to come . . . cuz you know it gets juicier :)

Is She The Reason

I thought that this was somethin Promising that one day
It would turn into something (This)
Thought the feelings were mutual
And I didn't have to guess
Started being skeptical
Always unavailable
Like ya didn't know
But now I'm feelin' something (This)
Tellin' me this may not be the real something (That)
You was showing me
Now I'm ready and you runnin'
Damn you got me open
Now I'm feelin' like I'm chokin'
Now where am I to go?

I can't -believe that you can't feel my heart
And I can't - believe you let me fall so hard
Stop playin' - How could you let it go this far?
If you had doubts that I wasn't the one
You said - That you’re the type to take it slow
You said - Before I stepped I’d let you know
Stop playin' - Before you let me see you with her
You coulda told me a change was gon' come

Chorus
Is she the reason you don't call like you use to
Fall thru my hood like you use to
Put it on me hard like you use to do
I feel in my mind what's goin' on but my heart won't let me go until I know
Is she the reason that my calls
Couldn't reach ya
the deepest of my love
Couldn't please ya or bring it to me home
Like you use to do
Seeing her fallin 'for your charm got me feelin' like I wasn't good enough

See I know we not official (No)
Us being official
Ain't ever been an issue (No)
It came down to us
Boy remember we were different?
You said that we'd talked
If we ever had a problem bout anything
I was cool with no commitment
WAIT!!!
Let me take that back
It was you, so I was with it
(See)
I guess I didn't get
When you showed
You didn't miss it
Now it seems that your interest ain't here
We ain't the same

All you had to say
Was this ain't what
You want I wouldn't be so hurt
and I could just move on
You had me believing that everything
Was my fault
But I can see it now
It's a situation that I must let go
Cause you ain't
Gonna be a man and let me know
I guess me seeing you
With her tells it all

i'm a displaced resident, but i'm still here . . .

2006-05-19T11:51:00.000-05:00

first let me say, when it rains it pours.

in one of my initial post i mentioned the fact that my heater broke in the dead of winter. after enduring several months with several space heaters, i was fortunate of finally have my heating and cooling unit replaced last tuesday, or so i thought . . .

after spending a lovely evening with Diva527 at Arena Stage, i walked home and was greeted by my neighbor . . .

friendly neighbor: you're [nubianteptress], right? did you hear about your apartment?
NT: no, did something happen?
FN: oooh, well, yeah. apparently a pipe burst in your apartment and well, there was some damage. there are fans in my place - the water damage is pretty bad and i hear your damage is worse. i just want you to be prepared, i hear its bad . . .

1st thought - what the fuck? why didn't anyone contact me?
2nd thought - where am i gonna sleep?
3rd thought - WHAT THE FUCK???

so i make my way up stairs and find this . . .

okay, so maybe not that exactly, but this is what i really found . . .

now for those of you who know me, i know that sometimes my apartment looks like this because i put off my weekly cleaning and straightening session, but couple this mess with the loud hum of 7 industrial fans and the dark of night and this is not to pretty, especially if you have no idea what you're gonna see and you can't see it.

soooo, needless to say, i stayed with Dive527 and my lovely god dog for the night and fought back the urge to cry, kick and scream because my building's management happens to be the worse set of fuckers in america . . .

so it's been awhile because i'm a displaced resident . . . i'll start posting from work, i guess, but pray for me and my sanity, because with all of this BS, i'm struggling at work and my pseudo relation/friendship have suffered tremendously . . . note to self, when changing close in a rush, don't leave your panties on the floor at the little boy's house, he will never speak you again . . .

in the infamous words of one of my favorite artist and fellow aries, jill scott have kept me from succumbing to the constant whips and chains of the universe --

I keep - Moving forward, pressing onward, striving further
I keep - Keep on laughing, keep on living, keep on loving yeah
I keep - Keep on dreaming keep on achieving, keep on believing
I keep - I keep smiling when I come thru Âand I cry when I need too

thank you destiny's child . . .

2006-05-07T23:30:00.000-05:00

I gave my heart to you
I gave up my friends like you said I should do
Put aside my smile for you
Threw out my dreams if you said you didn't approve
I gave my mind, compromise my life just to see I'd find
you were trying hold me back slowly throwing me off of my track
Disappointed again

I'm through with it, love
I'm through with it, through with it, love
I'm through with it, through with it, love
I'm through with it, through with it, love
I'm finally giving it up
I've given so much in the past for a love I never had
I’m through with it
I'm, I'm through with it, love
I'm through with it, through with it, love
I'm finally giving it up.

Oh, there you go, comparing me
To every little model on the tv screen
Oh there you go, complaining to me, cause I wanna spend time with my family
My esteem has gone down
You never wanna take me out
You make me feel dumb, and alone
I don't know where to go
I'm through with it

I shared all my secrets with you
Even when it hurt telling the truth
I Paralyze my growth for you
I gave you control felt so helpless without you
Couldn’t be a friend
To anyone happy
Cause with you I see
misery loves company
no no, if this is love
Cause if it's love
I don't want it anymore
I'm through with it

Why do I feel so empty?
I’m crying out for some stability
Destroy my many insecurities
I'm breaking down somebody pray for me
Need a love like no other not an ordinary love
Restore my joy, wisdom and courage
Lord I need your love
I found a new love, I found new, found a new love
I finally found it in God

I found a new love
I found a new, found a new love
I found a new, found a new love
I found a new, found a new love
I finally found it in God
I've given so much in the past, for a love I've always had
I've found a new...
I, I, found a new love
I found a new, found a new love
I finally found it in God!

too soon?

2006-04-20T11:06:00.000-05:00

as i walked into the theater the other day to see spike's new joint i was confused by a trailer for a new movie. because i arrived midway thru the trailer, i wasn't too sure what it was about, who was in it, etc., but as i took my seat a rush of sadness hit me - omg, this is about one of the fourth 9/11 plane. my second thought - why would anyone want to make this into a feature film? every few days the tv trailers will come on during commercial breaks and my heart sinks . . .

as a child of the 80's i remember countless made for TV movies that depicted a hi-jacking or a kidnapping, etc., but never in my life do i recall these movies being played on the silver screen for the masses. these historical events had a worthwhile story that should be told - but they were never commercialized (is that a real word?) beyond the $$$'s made from tv land network commercial sales. A&E released a made for tv movie, which i don't recall hearing about, but fine it was made, that should be enough, right?

we are all familiar with the story - the passengers of united flight 93 fight the hijackers to prevent a catastrophic event. we all remember the story, we can all recall where we were when the events of that day unfolded - the pain of our nation was felt across the globe. during that phase of my career i worked for a PR firm that specialized in crisis communications and crisis response and we also represented one of the major aviation trade organizations, which created another layer of concern, not only was i an american effected by these events, but i would have to deal with the events on a day-to-day basis for months to come because of work.

9/11 should never be forgotten, but isn't it too soon and aren't the wounds of that fateful day too deep for the events to be recounted on a feature film? maybe i'm overly sensitive, maybe i am too concerned about the families of the passengers of that plane - although the movie was made with the families full cooperation. my question is this - why should film makers and producers feel that its okay to make money off of a day that devastated our country and changed the lives of countless people? five years is a long time, but five years is not enough time for popular culture to re-present a tragic moment in our history.

perhaps the families wanted the movie to be made in honor of the heroes of that flight, but what if they were not entirely involved in the process . . .

i know that people will give the static answer of "if you don't wanna watch it, don't," and depending on how i feel from april 28th until it leaves the theaters, i may or may not watch the movie. reliving the moments of fear, anxiety, etc. of that day aren't necessarily ones that i shun when a movie is based on a generic screenplay, but the reality of the story and the current news surrounding zacarias moussaoui's trial, its just a lot to digest.

lest we forget the events and the aftermath of that horrific day, but is the silver screen the best place to "memorialize (again not sure if that's a real word, but i'm gonna use it) and honor" the hero's of United 93?

and then there were three

2006-04-18T22:45:00.000-05:00

finally tomkat's kitten has arrived! mr. and soon-to-mrs. tom cruise welcomed suri cruise, a beautiful aries girl, into the world this afternoon, just hours after brooke shields welcomed her second bundle of joy, a son. i wonder how much noise katie was allowed to make?

congrats to the new parents! now when's the wedding?

A bunch of random stuff about me

2006-04-18T20:13:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Hustleman for the Pseudo Survey . . .

Current mood: Chill

1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RING? Does a promise ring count (that's a southern thing)
2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP? On and off for 10 years
3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED? $20 iTunes gift certificate
4. Ever dropped a cell phone? Yeah
5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT? An hour ago
6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON? My high ass rent
7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE? A turkey sandwich
8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? His height, eyes and teeth
9. ONE FAVORITE SONG? That's hard - right now I'm feeling Conceited by Remy Ma
10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE? SW Waterfront
11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED: Bishop McNamara High School
12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER: T-mobile
13. FAVORITE MALL STORE: GAP
14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD: Two years, PR associate
15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE? Nope
16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE? I used to, now I just drunk dial
17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED: My girl Blythe's wedding in New Orleans
18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY: I'd call KD and tell her that I'm Oprah and she's Gayle
19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND? September, I think
20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT: That's a toss up between Taco Bell and Chik-fil-A
21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE HEARD? We'll be friends forever
22?
23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS? Dragonfly at the moment
24. CAN YOU COOK? Hell yeah, I'm Southern raised
25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE? The second to last car on the Green Line, or somebody else's
26. BEST KISSER? Marcus
27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED? The other day while talking to Loverboy one morning
28?
29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF: My ability to bounce back from bullshit
30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF: Lack of focus while in school and now I'm trying to get back in the race . . .
32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB: While working at a PR firm I had to do media monitoring starting at 5 AM and I'd leave at 5 PM so that's 12 hours
33. FAVORITE MOVIE? Life is Beautiful
34. CAN YOU SING? I was in concert choir in college, but I'm not all up in church blowing
35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED? Coldplay
36. LAST KISS? Saturday
37. LAST MOVIE RENTED: Walk the Line
38. ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT: My purse cause it has my keys, debit card and cell phone
39. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT? New Orleans
WHAT HAPPENED TO 40-42???
43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER? Laptop
44. FAVORITE COMEDIAN? Eddie Murphy cause we have the same birthday . . .
45?
46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES? Depends on who's with me ;)
47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT? My GAP bear Pete
48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK? I used to be addicted to them
49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE? Maybe 2 or 3
50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST? Pancakes!!!
51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE? If its fresh, I've gotten to the point where I can do black coffee
52. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? I don't eat infant chickens
53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? Hell yeah! God made the stars
54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? EE
55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST? CJ
56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED? "how has your day been?
57?
58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS? Six total (I like bed decor), but I sleep on one or two, depending on if I'm alone or not
59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW? A black tee shirt and boy shorts
60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC OR SONG? Giving up is so hard to do/I've tried/But it just ain't no use/Giving up, so hard to do/I said I've tried/But it just ain't no use
61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J SANDWICH? Strawberry
62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL? I'm alright
63. CAN YOU SWIM? Yes
64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Dulce de Leche
65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS? The song or reading them, I love Google Maps
66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: The love of my life is no longer alive
67?
68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY? Yes
69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? The time between Summer and Fall
70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID? A few minutes ago, talking to EE
71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING? Late, as usual - 7 45 AM
72. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER? The possibility of a snow day
73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET? Last winter in Chinatown
75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET? I don't remember my first, but my last was
Charlie Parker, he went by his middle name
76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED? All I know is Johnny Depp is fine
77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?? Hanging out and going to a homebuyers seminar
78. BIRTHDATE: April 3rd
79. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE: Happy
80-84???
85. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP? Yup
Where is 86?
87. ARE YOU SMILING? Not right now
88. DO YOU HAVE ON EYELINER? Nope, I don't like stuff near my eyes, except mascara
89. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW? Yeah, unfortunately
90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO? Some where beautiful - the Greece or Africa
91?
92. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL? No, but I miss it every once in a while
93. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH? Nope, he knows I like him
94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME? Na Na from around the WA-AY
95. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT? I don't have one, but the one I want is black
96. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST? Yeah, but I'm outta school
97. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH? No, but I took a sick day
98. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE? No, I'm going in June
99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER? A half sister . . .
100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS? I'm on the 8th floor of my building . . . that's up a few flights of stairs
101. ARE YOU IN LOVE? Nah, but I wanna be
102. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL? Only to support other people
103. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW? Yeah, Joshua
104. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING? None
105. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY? Wash my hair

one more time

2006-04-17T22:30:00.000-05:00

well, it looks like we all survived easter - some of us more hungover than others, but hey, we all celebrate the resurrection of the Lord in our own special way.

just to backup and recap - loverboy broke my heart on my birthday (4/3). on wednesday (4/12) he calls all sweet and apologetic - being the sucka for a pitiful plea that i am, i, of course with false hesitation, decided to let him apologize in person. by thursday morning (4/13) he'd said he'd said his "i'm sorry" so well, i was making breakfast, yes breakfast during the middle of the week!!! i don't even do that for myself.

well, needless to say my weekend was low key, but nice. friday night, my new official happy hour with YB, was well spent at dragonfly, sipping martinis and eating some of the best affordable sushi in town. of course, being the glutton for punishment that i am, i decided that seeing loverboy wasn't such a bad thing since i'd seen him on wednesday/thursday. so during booty call hours (with no booty call in sight, seeing that it was lent and i'd given up sex) i let loverboy come over to "talk" - gotta love that late night talking. we had a lovely early morning with the usual spooning, hugging, talking, etc. there is something about him in the morning. having had several co-ed sleepovers, there are few people that you can actually say you enjoy waking up to, sex aside - you simply enjoy that person's company.

well, anyway, we lounge and lay around most of the morning, have a bowl of cereal and skip the lunch we'd planned. low and behold my momma decides to call - there is no reason not to take her call, loverboy won't say anything for her to know he's there, right? wrong. by the end of the conversation momma has assigned loverboy to be my driver to her middle of no where home. luckily, they'd met so there was some level of comfort, but 27 or not, who the hell wants their momma to know they are having sleepovers with a young man who isn't her boyfriend/fiance/husband, but hey, it is what it is.

once we arrive at momma's, the nervousness is non-existent and everybody is at ease, no funny feelings about "meeting the parents" because its not that deep, we're just friends, so its no big deal . . .

the highlight of the inquisition was loverboy looking over momma's x-rays because he's a PT and she's going to start physical therapy within the next week or so. gotta love having people in particular professions at the right moment - he was able to put me at ease about her spinal issues and prove that he knows a thing or two about what he does for a living, despite his age.

he leaves after about 45 minutes and of course i get the full interrogation since momma watched our private goodbye from the kitchen window. gotta love the cliche/movie'esq things that happen in real life. well after a few simple questions (do you like him?, does he like you?, do you use protection?) we got down to real business - cooking the easter feast.

now what

2006-04-10T21:59:00.000-05:00

so it was release today that the there was no DNA match in the highly publicized alleged rape and assault case involving the Duke lacrosse team and a 27 year-old black woman.

what now?

did the young woman lie? in some reports the young woman arrived at the party

does the coach get his job back?

what happens to the emotions, racial tension and frustration that has tainted this community?

not to make light of this situation, but i see a Lifetime movie in the works . . .

i'm still drunk

2006-04-04T22:50:00.000-05:00

so i had a fabulous time last night -- aside from being dumped, again! note to self: do not take the dude back for round three of dump NT, being dumped on your birthday is now an all time low.

now on to the juicy stuff . . .

despite the shitty weather and wack ass client emergencies i had the best time EVER! my fellow bloggers, friends and random fabulous people settled in at Drinx for a lovely evening of drinking and laughing. i remember having the following drinks:

3 Dirty Martini's
3 shots of something (two pink, one clear)
1 shot of tequila
1 glass of white wine

needless to say i was feeling really nice last night, but hell this morning. anyway, i'm good now.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

2006-04-03T02:06:00.001-05:00

Yeah, you know what this is
It's a celebration, bitches!
Grab a drink, grab a glass
After that I grab yo ass
Why you actin' all
Shy and all
Why is y'all
Lyin' for?
"I never did this before..."
Stop that
What, you want some petron?
I got that.

Kanye West "Celebration"

And I'm off!

I'm celebrating my 20+ year of existence and damn proud of it. I rang in my personal new year at Lima - located at the ever so fabulous 14th and K St - on an evening hosted by Gilbert Arenas and Fat Joe. I was ever so fortunate to receive birthday greetings from both hosts, not once, but twice - thanks Terror Squad and Washington's own Wizard :)!

There are so many things that you can get away with on your birthday, including walking bare foot on 14th Street, while meeting the Sigma from BET's newest season of College Hill and not realizing it until you make it home - I knew there was a reason that dude looked so familiar . . .

ANYWAY, i'm drunk and my day is just beginning - more to report later . . .

i said that last year . . .

2006-03-26T16:48:00.000-05:00

this afternoon, while watching the GMU/CONN game and skimming washingtonpost.com, i came across a headline that caught my eye. the article caught my eye, not only because of the touchy subject, but because its something i've felt for years and more recently started to vocalize to my fellow female friends. no statistics, no books by an expert or a self-motivated study can further solidify the ideas that i've held in regards to race and marriage. in today's world black people, for the most part, do not get married, as joy jones clearly states, marriage is for white people.

when coldplay released X&Y, one of my friends played the song 'a message' for me. as we listened to chris belt out lyrics of love and devotion, my friend lamented her wishes to have a young man feel that way about her. my immediate response, "white men are raised and taught to love like that, black men aren't". now, i'll be completely honest, these were words of a woman slightly scorned (my ex wasn't engaged yet, but he was seeing his now fiancé at the time), but more true words have never been spoken.

in her article, ms. jones notes the insight of school children as her moment of enlightenment and clarity - i note my moment, or moments, as the on going single saga that i and my single black female sistahs suffer year after year. as she noted, we all deal with our plight differently - some of us delve farther into work or education, while others push forward with maternal instincts and have children out of wedlock, while our single, educated and employed bruhs continue to play the uneven playing field fulfilling the proverbial dream of bachelorhood.

as a 26, very soon to be 27, year old single black female, i've come to terms with the idea of being single for a few more years. the storybook tales of courting/dating, meeting mom's, family holidays, proposals and wedding plans are things that i will live out through my desire to plan events and watch on the sidelines as my white female counterparts live out a dream. it’s sad, but true - with every odd against us, black couples don't get married, PERIOD.

knowledge being power, there is no reason to wallow in these facts - it is what it is – we don’t get married. knowing this, i've found happiness in my current career path, my ability to set a goal and follow thru with it and my new focus on following oprah's debt diet to get a better handle on my finances. with all of these issues on my plate, who has time to cultivate a relationship that will grow into a fulfilling marriage and manage day to day life? apparently, white people.

thank you for bringing this issue to light, ms. jones. i will be sure to forward this enlightening article to every single black male that i know in hopes that your honesty will lead to the rebuilding of the strength of all communities – love and marriage.

Huh . . .?

2006-03-26T01:10:00.000-05:00

as i review my emails and revisit my afro irish statement i'm forced to encourage you to watch this, NO REALLY!?! please watch this.

all i have to say is - my people, my people . . .

happily ever after . . . pt. I

2006-03-24T00:34:00.000-05:00

over the past few years i've imagined my fairy tale life and here is what i've come up with in pictures . . .

livin in the city, kickin it with my girls, havin a good time

meet a nice guy, engage in a little harmless flirting

hang out with the nice guy, have a few dates

spend more quality time, share a few secrets, be there for each other . . .

MYOB

2006-03-20T09:30:00.000-05:00

i may have to give up my guilty pleasure - US Weekly - cuz its bad for my karma. recently i've had my own run in with gossip and it was none too pleasant. it's a very disheartening experience to have friends serve as "unnamed sources" in disclosing/discussing your personal business as if your private discussions and interactions are fair game for public disposal.

two years ago i mentioned a new interest to one of my friends in passing. two years later it was brought to my attention as being one of the determining factors as to why my ex decided to pursue the young woman he is now engaged to. recently, in very similar circumstances, i shared something with a "friend" to have it come back to me as one of the reasons someone decided to call it quits with me.

it seems that i'm better off talking to complete strangers about my business and personal interactions because my friends are doing more harm than good when it comes to helping me maintain my happiness. from now on i'm going to take my own advice and Mind My Business and hopefully other people will follow my lead.

top of the mornin' to ya . . .

2006-03-17T17:11:00.000-05:00

yeah, i'm not irish, but i am in the spirit today. i knew it was gonna be a good day when 1) my father tells me that we may have some irish blood - so i'm not wearing green in vain and 2) my mother called to ask me to drink with her tonight - when mom's in the irish spirit you can't help but get wrapped up in the idea of beers and basketball.

nothing else of note to report, but i'm sure i'll have some stories after this evening.

goodbye my lover . . .

2006-03-16T19:41:00.000-05:00

i resisted the urge to blog about my recent loverboy in the interest of not jinxing the possibility of the connection developing into something of substance.

several months ago, while at one of my wednesday spots i noticed one of my girl's friends as he came in - my immediate thought . . . "i want that". moments later, after silently drooling over him for a few moments i was told that he had a girlfriend - RED FLAG #1. determination set in and my plan of action was to wait out his unhappy relationship . . . be that friend ready to pick up the pieces. i was in recovery from finding out that my ex was engaged so i was starved for even the possibility of attention.

after several months of waiting the opportunity arose - i got to spend some time with him and a few of our mutuals on valentine's day. RED FLAGS #2-3: he was out with his boy and some girls on valentine's day, he made these crazy ass comments about why he didn't want to be this chic he'd been with for over a year and a half.

fast forward to our first date. can i say that was a wonderful date, but hell it doesn't matter now, because in due time all good things must come to an end.

after three weeks of multiple strings of text messages, lovely sleepovers, in-depth conversation at the crack of dawn and one major discussion, he let ME go. obviously he didn't get the memo - i break hearts, i don't have my heart broken. luckily, i wasn't that into him . . .

that little shit kept me away from my blog, but i'm back - with a vengeance!!!

ah hemm . . .

2006-03-16T13:18:00.000-05:00

i was busy, but now i'm not, i'll be back with something new very soon.

from sexless to speechless

2006-03-05T22:50:00.000-05:00

jordan (juicy j) houston, cedric (crunchy black) coleman and paul (dj paul) beauregard (aka Three 6 Mafia) performed the nominated "hard out here for a pimp" on the 78th annual academy awards!!! THREE 6 MAFIA, with dc's own taraji p. henson, gave the oscar's most "urban" performance ever and (through either practical joke or honest voting) won a m'in' f'in' oscar!!!! jon stewart summed up the feelings of confusion and pure illogical nature of these award shows "for those of you keeping score at home - martin scorsese, zero; three 6 mafia, one". in other words - WTF?

congratulations to all of the winner's, including the cast of crash!!! with jon stewart and ben stiller and all of the other crazy moments of the night - this was the most entertaining academy awards in years.

dreams and wishes do come true

2006-03-03T00:07:00.000-05:00

i'd been hoping for a miracle that would allow me to see one of my all-time favorite bands. tonight my prayers were answered and a dear friendship further solidified . . . i was a member of the fanatic audience sending chris martin birthday wishes while singing along on every song played by coldplay. there is nothing like seeing the excitement of 1000's of people as the first four notes of an anticipated song are played. even with me seeing the show last year at nissan, i am still amazed by the band. an added bonus of the show was hearing fiona apple live. thank you, you know who you are - life was beautiful tonight.

10 times 3 pt. III

2006-02-24T23:47:00.000-05:00

drumroll please . . .

TOP 10 THINGS THAT SCARE ME ABOUT BEING DAMN-NEAR 30

i'm still single. by the time my mother was my age is had been married and had a beautiful baby girl. this only bothers me because i haven't had a successful relationship in many, many years. i'm happy in my single-dom, but its only human to want to share space and time with a person whose company you enjoy
i still don't know what i'm doing with my life. over the years my expectations of my career, my personal life, my friendships have all deteriorated because each of these things don't measure up to what i anticipated in 1997. when i left high school i KNEW that the world was mine to conquer. now, i'm trying to figure out what the hell happened.
i'm fat, well sorta. black august and marathon training were a God send. i remember being at cheerleading practice my senior year of high school and looking at my late 20's coach (and former cheerleader) and wondering why she'd let herself go. i promised myself that i'd never go on birth control for fear of gaining weight and i vowed to myself that i'd stay a solid and athletic size 6/8 FOREVER if it killed me. HA! i wish i still had that determination and willpower. i just got back to a 10/12 and less than 2 years ago i was knocking on 200 lbs and severely depressed because of it. i'm happy to be healthy and happy now, but dayum what happen to the 17 year old in me?
there is no reason why i shouldn't own something. a car, a condo, a cute ass dog, something . . .
i still rely on my parents every once in a while. now we all know that daddy's are money trees, but dayum can i stop running to my parents to get me out of a bind. i must say that i held it down when i was out of work for six months, but still . . . get it together
all of my friends are beautiful, smart and SINGLE. out of the 15 girls i kicked it with in undergrad only two are married, one is walking the isle in april and one is a single mother. those numbers aren't that promising. i went to see something new with two girlfriends from high school - who are also single - and found myself tripping the entire time because i saw myself and some of, no excuse me, most of my friends in the characters. can you say scary?
after going to a 1st bday party recently, i'm happy that i'm not a single parent. after babysitting a 5 month old the other day, i'm dayum happy not to be a single parent. i'm happy for several reasons. 1) babies are heavy and i haven't lifted weights in years. 2) my maternal instincts deteriorate every year i spend living alone.
sometimes i feel like i've let my parents down. not exactly sure why or how, i just feel that way.
graduate school seems light years away . . . will i ever get there?
what happened to my christian spirit. i've fallen off my community service horse and feel horrible. i haven't been to church in over two years. i used to be a deacon at my church. i attended schools that required community service hours to graduate and i always wanted to do more than what i had to. now i can think of the last time i was of service to the less fortunate. i've got to get back on the band wagon and stop slighting myself and my community.

10 times 3 pt. II

2006-02-23T01:00:00.000-05:00

so here's my next top ten list . . .

TOP 10 THINGS . . . I DON'T KNOW, JUST MORE RANDOM THOUGHTS

peapod is the best thing that ever happened to city dwellers - EVER!!!
shani davis doesn't have to be a team player - he's an only child - ONLY CHILDREN UNITE!
notice to myself - being late for work three days out of the week is not cute - procrastination is for undergrads!
one martini will get you nice -- three will get you laid, nicely - HA!
men wake up one day and decide to get married, romance is a crock of BS - PERIOD, POINT BLANK!
oprah is so rich she's beautiful . . .
there should not be a tanning salon in DC's U Street district - its just wrong to have a tanning bed in the home of DC's renaissance . . .
tyler perry may dress like a woman, but he's fine and rich as hell, therefore he can dress in drag anytime he wants . . . he'd still get it
brokeback mountain wasn't as bad as people made it out to be - can you say AWARD WORTHY!
chris brown and omarion are too cute to be so young - i'mma start robbing the cradle . . .

10 times 3 . . .

2006-02-21T22:30:00.000-05:00

equals 30, so in honor of my 30th post, my three years to 30 and ummmm . . . my birth month having 30 days i'm gonna list three top ten's over the next 3 days.

TOP TEN THINGS PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
1. despite my seemingly outgoing personality, i'm shy
2. i was once given a rabbit as an easter gift, it scared me
3. i've cheated on at least three of my boyfriends or wanted to leave them for someone else
4. i'm a republican - 'nuf said and don't ask me why . . .
5. i'm afraid of marriage due to my fear of divorce
6. i have TMJ
7. i miss xanax, but i'm too afraid of the potential of getting addicted to take it
8. i sleep with a teddy bear, sometimes
9. i hate chocolate, eggs and milk
10. i regret never studying film and screenwriting

a little to the left . . .

2006-02-20T02:36:00.000-05:00

there is something to be said for the single woman or man with discerning taste, better known as being too picky. i've found that the older my friends and i get the more particular we are about the qualities - personality, appearance, social abilities, etc. - that we look for in a man. i've noticed more recently i've axed a suitor or two based on his ability to hold a decent conversation, how nice he was or wasn't, whether not we were sexually compatible, even astrological compatibility. there have been several article that have strengthened my rationale in making rash decisions based on what would seem to be the most minute deal-breakers.

does that make me wrong? should i humble myself to find the one? i don't think so . . .

would i hold up in a pro vs. con debate of a gentleman whose attention i sought? would i want to know that i was cut from a dudes roster because i said goodbye vs. peace when ending a conversation? would i want to be held under the same microscope that i examine my gentlemen callers?

to be perfectly honest, yes and no.

personally, i find that its easier to say what you dislike before you can lay out a list of what is attractive to you, aside the physical descriptions we've become so familiar with - you know the typical "tall, dark and handsome" that crosses all color, creeds and races, and i'm not alone. but does the ability to point out the negative in someone or what you don't find appealing about them and face that up front make you a bad person?

isn't it better to recognize something that be a deal breaker early in the game rather than get your feelings and the other persons feelings all wrapped up in something your not going to be happy or satisfied with later.
at this point in my life i realize that i can do bad by myself. as i approach 30, my eyes have been opened to a lot of things that i took for granted as an undergrad. the butterflies, roses and candy love affairs have since ceased and reality has set in - love not something you rush into and is definitely not a fairy tale. it is a commitment not to be entered lightly and should be considered as the foundation of a lifelong legacy.

desperately seeking coldplay tickets

2006-02-15T23:48:00.000-05:00

the cold september concert at nissan wasn't enough . . . i'm determined to see coldplay at MCI. anybody got a hook up, know someone trying to get rid of a ticket or two, friends with a scalper, something -- i'm in need of a coldplay fix.

happy valentines day . . .

2006-02-06T13:42:00.000-05:00

not!!! one of my dear friends had the bright idea of celebrating VDAY as our love new year . . . well i rang it in with a bottle of moet and another single friend -- isn't that promising . . .

my blog title has taken on new meaning. i'm at a point where i can't even BEG for sex. i'm not dating anymore, i've cut off any prospects and i lost my only jumpoff. i never thought the day would come at the ripe age of 26. if i wasn't married off by 30, yes, i could see this being my status, but 26, fit, cute, and single - fully single - and nobody to share the love with, not even on valentine's day. come on, man!!!

i've gotten to the point where the evening calls that i expect and anticipate are from my loyal and faithful set of single girlfriends. the phone rings and i immediately know who to expect - can you say LAME.

i spent the first part valentine's day evening at a mayorial campaign office with my dearest friend E and the second have with my high school crew in georgetown with a guy that i've had a crush on for a little over a month. did i mention that this guy just happens to have a girlfriend. YES - it seems that everyone else in this city is coupled up but me and my friends obviously.

so what do i do? do i change it up and start third-wheeling it with married couples to shun the vibes of my single friends? or do i just settle for the nice, safe ex who is willing to rekindle a febble flame for the sake of psuedo happiness?

at this point i cannot continue to let this cycle run its course . . . there is obviously some evil force working against me - karma and the sins of my lineage, something. i've come to the conclusion that i'm going to sing india.arie's "i'm ready for love" every night before bed as my new mantra, you know like the hail mary, but i'm not catholic. wanna hear it, here it goes . . .

I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity

I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace

Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I'll say the same thing

I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won't complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here

If you give me half a chance
I'll prove this to you
I will be patience, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect's the spirit world
And thinks with his heart

I am ready for love
If you'll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can
I am ready for love

Here with a offering of
My voice
My Eyes
My soul
My mind
Tell me what is enough
To prove I am ready for love

I am ready

it's official . . .

2006-02-01T21:16:00.000-05:00

I'm a marathoner!!! Since my first 1/2 marathon years ago, I promised myself that I would never be crazy enough to actually run a full 26.2, I've proven myself wrong and love myself for it!!! Who can complain about the weight loss and stress relief that running offers? I certainly won't ;)

First, let me thank my momma for walking 4, yes FOUR, long and hard miles for me. After calling her between miles 18-20 tired, near tears and complaining about everything from the heat to my blisters, she walked from mile 24 to 22 to encourage me to keep going. She did this only to have me leave her there because my energy gel kicked in and I had a "use it or lose it" energy moment (thank God for Clif Gel and PowerGel) and I kept running when I saw her . . . thanks momma!!!

Now, on to the juicy stuff - me running and finishing the 26.2 miles! I won't get into the details of time and such, just know that unofficially my time was 5:50 some odd minutes . . . give or take a bathroom break or three.

After training for four months in DC's mild, but wintry weather, I was able to overcome mind and body to finish the Miami Marathon in temperatures that reached 76 degrees - definitely not what I trained for or anticipated.

I won't bore you with the minor details of each and every mile of the race, but I will say this - no matter how beautiful Miami is, you could give two darns when you're hot, have baby blisters annoying you at every foot fall and there is no cold ice water in sight. Much love to all of the volunteers giving out warm water and Gatorade, but the random woman at mile 18ish with ice was my best friend during our brief encounter. she could have had e.coli or salmonella on her bare hands and i still would have asked for the handful of ice she provided during my moment of need.

In an effort to provide a balanced look at the marathon for those who haven't run one yet, here are just a few high and low points from my marathon experience . . . its up to you to decide if these are highs or lows:

at mile 8 or 9ish i ran an 11 minute mile -- two and a half minutes faster than my usual pace
i still have all ten of my toenails and none of them are black
at mile 13 i realized that although the 1/2 marathoners were being awarded metals in the very near distance, i, like my full mara counterparts, still had 13.1 miles to go - that was a very sad realization
at mile 16 i started dialing numbers of anyone i knew who had ever run in their lives to get any encouraging word possible - thank you A for answering the phone and talking to me, i really needed that
at mile 20 i saw an experienced runner fall -- at that moment i knew it was do or die, although the park benches and the air conditioned CVS with ice cold water looked appealing, once you stop you're down for the count
at mile 23.6 or so Todd reassured me that mile 24 was right around the corner - there is nothing better than to have someone tell you "right around the corner" and it is really right around the corner. From mile 13 on up people continued to tell us that we were "almost there" ummmm, no we're not, we still have 13 miles to go. Almost there is that last .2 of the 26.2!
Mile 25.7ish was a bridge with was looked like a 75% incline -- folks the last thing someone who has been running for hours wants to see in those final moments is an incline, just know that in that moment i highly considered the option of sitting down for five minutes . . . but i remembered the man at mile 20
I ran the last .2 miles and smiled as I crossed the finish line -- you must put on a good show for the camera no matter how tired, hot and ready to quit you felt before you saw the camera.
Desired time or not, i finished! I'm now addicted to collecting metals
I will stick to half marathons from here on out

Tips to those who want to run a marathon from an amateur marathoner:

Never run on a half empty stomach, you will pay for it later . . . but energy gels are your best friend
Always run with your name on you somewhere, you will appreciate hearing it while you run
You can never be too cautious - Bodyglide is your friend, use it, use more than you think you need - i used it and still got two blisters on my right foot, which was the foot that never bothered me during training
Cry pretty when you cross the finish line and don't wait 15 minutes after you cross to start crying, people will think you're crazy . . .

Thanks again for all the well wishes, support, congrats, etc. - I truly appreciated all of it! Two medals down, 100's more to go . . .

countdown . . . are you ready?

2006-01-28T21:47:00.001-05:00

so i will be waking up in a few hours to embark on a journey that less than 1% of the population actually completes -- my very first marathon.

so i'm nervous about several things . . . my mental and physical preparation . . . whether or not i ate too much mac and cheese over the past week . . .if my new knee injury is going to effect my performance at all . . . how long the run will take . . . and what time i'll finish.

training for four months was more than worth it, i mean, who wouldn't want to lose weight, tone up and increase endurance. i also had the opportunity to meet a lot of really nice people and come on I FOUND A JOB because of it, and that came right on time.

hopefully the weather will cooperate tomorrow and we will have a dry run, i'm super excited and ready for this to be OVER!

is that too much?

2006-01-25T12:31:00.000-05:00

for those of you who don't know, i am a huge kanye west fan. so much so that my co-workers of a little more than a month already know the deal. so when i received an email from a coworker prompting me to take a look at an article about kanye west portraying Jesus on the cover of rolling stone, i had to recover from the initial shock of not knowing about a kanye move this significant. i quickly visited the article -- my, my, my, what an image. now, kanye is not the first artist to take such liberties and he definitely won't be the last, however, shouldn't this iconic image be off limits?

we all remember nas and diddy (at that time puffy, or was it puff daddy?) evoking the image of Jesus on the crucifix in the hate me now video and the backlash that resulted, so what exactly does kanye expect to get out of this? he is already hated on and despised in social, entertainment and political circles, doesn't this just open up a whole new market of haters and critics?

i'm all for artistic freedom, but as a christian i think this oversteps some boundaries that a better left well enough alone. kanye i love you, but you've taken jesus walks to a whole new level and i'm not sure you're gonna get what you want out of this move.

my self-analysis

2006-01-24T21:46:00.000-05:00

my horoscope --

Quickie: Slow progress is frustrating, but don't doubt that this is the right thing to do.

Overview: Face it: You'll never be able to fully understand what goes on in someone else's mind, no matter how long or how well you think you know them. Instead, pay attention to knowing the vagaries of your own mind.

my analysis --

due to the fact that i still don't have closure with my ex (slow progress), i no longer enjoy the company of gentlemen callers (frustration).

men are dumb; they say stupid things and make stupid decisions (i never understood that). i am going to visit Merriam Webster and write dr. phil (to understand the vagaries of my own mind).

about last night . . .PART III

2006-01-18T00:23:00.000-05:00

once we arrived at a's house around 2:45 am i realized that both of us were a little too intoxicated to completely restrain ourselves, but that didn't deter my urge to get answers to the questions that has lingered with me for the past two years. there were 6 other people with us, so privacy in a one bedroom apartment was not an option. it was raining and too cold for us to stand outside to talk so we resorted to juvenile measures and retreated to the tiny bathroom.

the door closes, the light is switched off and the door locks . we immediately stepped into our normal embrace - a simple hug - and the moment of truth weighs heavy in the small room . . .

did you miss me?
yes, i missed you, i miss you.
i began to cry (again - thank goodness for waterproof mascara . . . alcohol, ex's and emotions just don't mix)
he feels me crying and kisses me gently on the neck, a gesture that was a common greeting for us over the years.
did you ever really love you?
yes.
when did you know you loved me?
he puts his hands on both sides of my face, looks me in the eyes - as i sat in the airport waiting to get on a plane for the first time [in my life] to see you.
what happened, when did you stop?
i don't know. i'm so sorry, i don't know what else to say
i cry more.
don't do that, slim, please don't cry.
he takes my face in his hands, wipes away my tears, kisses me once on the lips and again on the neck. we stand holding each other in silence until our friends realize that we're missing and there is a knock on the door - what are y'all doing?
he whispers, when do you have a day off?

i understand the intent in this question or my perception of his intent and know that the innocence of this moment is fleeting and answer simply - i don't have any days off - and with that the moment is gone. in that small window of time, in that small bathroom i was left to pick up the few words that were slipping away and create closure . . . this was the end of a chapter that began horribly and could take an ugly turn. if i don't walk away at this point, i'm stuck . . .

i opened the door and walked into the noise and brightness of the room and never turned to look back at him. when he stepped out reality set in and he became someone from my past - a memory that i shall remember fondly, but still a simple memory. for the remainder of the night we continued to engage in conversation, mindful of the unspoken disconnect that had taken place. there is nothing that can change what we've shared, but the distance between us now is too great - we will always be close and know that one day we will look back at all of this and laugh . . .

about last night . . .PART II

2006-01-16T01:31:00.000-05:00

once our friends discovered the two of us were missing the calls commenced (what did we do before cell phones?). my pity party and q&a session was cut short and i would have to take the information at face value until we reached our next destination.

at the birthday boy’s request, the party moved to a local strip club. four glasses of champagne, a dirty martini and glass of merlot later i didn’t care where we went. . . i just wanted the party to continue. the number of women in our group certainly outnumbered the men, but i felt compelled to focus my attention on my ex – there is something about being in a room with a former lover as he watches naked women dance that forces a woman to want to please him at any cost.

mistake #2: i let him get too close . . .

at this point the intoxication has completely settled in and i’m vulnerable and weak. as he hands me dollar bills to tip the dancers of his choice, he whispers things to me that conjure memories of our experiences – all ten years of experience. by this time i’m so wrapped up in him and the surreal feelings of being surrounded by naked women i’ve lost all sense of reality and the fact that he is no longer mine to lust for.

as the club shuts down, he and i continue to talk and pick up where we left things before they went sour last year. he invades my space as only a lover should, speaks low in my ear and reclaims a territory that only he knows and i am too comfortable with him occupying. as he makes suggestions for our next moves, i force myself to take note of the gold band that he wears on his left ring finger, momentarily regain my senses, take a step back and bring the ring to his attention. this gives me enough time to walk away to find my way to the car.

unfortunately my strength was short-lived and i find myself climbing into the backseat of the car with him at my side as we’re transported to the next leg of our journey. as we ride in silence, i immediately reach for his arms as i always have, bury my head in his chest and cry soft and silent tears wishing that i could find this place every night as i had in the past. as we make our way through the streets i find myself remembering moments he and i shared during early mornings and being envious of his fiancée . . .

about last night . . .PART I

2006-01-15T01:54:00.001-05:00

there is nothing like a birthday celebration to bring old friends together. friday night marked the first time i'd seen my ex since the news of his engagement thanks to a mutual friend's surprise dinner. after a week of agonizing over the idea of having to see my ex and the possibility of seeing his fiancée, i was fortunate to only have to face one of my fears.

for the record - HE DOES NOT LOVE THAT WOMAN! now on with the night's details . . .

my friends and i posted ourselves at cranberries to wait for the birthday boy. being the woman i am i was sure to look my best, accentuating my best assets, looking as tempting as possible to ensure the end result was achieved - pure doubt in ever letting me go. i donned a fitted white tee adorned with the word chocolate, a red blazer and curve hugging dark jeans. prior to mr. big's arrival i occupied my time and mind to prepare for the battle of the egos that was sure to ensue.

my body sensed the moment he walked through the door. . . lucky for me i had the upper hand when he arrived - standing at the bar, martini in had, head tossed back in sheer pleasure, surrounded by drooling men. mr. big and i locked eyes for a brief moment and i knew the party was just starting.

i'm a fully capable of being a bitch when need be - and this night called for me to bring out all the stops. for an hour and half i intentionally didn't acknowledge his presence . . . in situations such as these only the strong survive. as i maintained the upper hand, Big plotted his own plan of attack.

we gathered to take a few pictures with the birthday boy and for the first time big and i were forced to be within close physical proximity, but i stood firm in my ability to be charming to everyone, but him.

as he and i passed each other in the crowd he bit the bullet stopped me by my wrist and leaned in close to offer his greetings, "i'm not gonna be petty all night . . . how you doing?" "fine, thanks. and of course i kept it moving (if only i'd maintained that composure for the remainder of the night, but i can thank the beauty gods for waterproof mascara).

later, he and i attempted to exchange words over the music of the live band, but conversations between former lovers shouldn't be subjected to pitiful attempts of yelling low enough that people don't hear. this is where i lost control of the evening . . .

mistake #1: we moved the conversation outside . . . and my martini and champagne consumption started to take effect.

we exchanged to usual who said what, did what and he acknowledged two important facts: his wrongs and my treating him as if he were a complete stranger all night. the discussion continued and tears followed shortly thereafter. standing in the cold, wiping tears from my face i realized something . . . the amount of communication we had in that thirty minutes was more productive that the conversations we'd had in the previous two years . . .

sonofabitch . . .

2006-01-13T01:08:00.000-05:00

Rep: Aniston Wasn't Alerted to Pregnancy Thursday January 12 7:47 PM ET - AP

Brad Pitt did not call Jennifer Aniston to tell her about girlfriend Angelina Jolie's pregnancy announcement, entertainment TV show "Extra" reported Thursday.
Aniston's publicist, Stephen Huvane, cleared up reports that Pitt and former wife Aniston spoke before the announcement on Wednesday.

"All the reports about phone calls between Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie are all made-up lies," Huvane told "Extra."

Pitt's publicist, Cindy Guagenti, confirmed on Wednesday that Jolie, 30, is expecting a baby this summer with Pitt. Jolie, a goodwill ambassador for the U.N., leaked the news to a charity aid worker while filming "The Good Shepherd" in the Dominican Republic.

Pitt, 42, has also filed to be the adoptive father to Jolie's children, Maddox and Zahara.

Pitt and Aniston, 36, divorced last October after 4 1/2 years of marriage, citing irreconcilable differences. Pitt has denied Jolie was behind the split.

21 rules for the new year

2006-01-12T15:44:00.000-05:00

so i sent out a very thoughtful and self-improvement'esq email to my friends as a healthy way to go into the new year. below is the original version with the additions one of my oh so fabulous former colleauges sent back -- let's just say that i love his version so much more - thanks BW!!!

Thanks N'Oprah... and a Happy New Year to you! Because I can't just simply let this go without comment, I've decided to add a lil sumsum down below:

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.-- SMILE WHEN YOU BITCH SLAP 'EM

2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. -- SHIT PLEASE. MAKE IT LEGAL AND I'LL GET MARRIED SEVERAL TIMES THIS YEAR TO PEOPLE WHO LOVE TO TALK DIRTY TO ME!

3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. -- BUT EAT AND DRINK EVERYTHING IN SIGHT

4. When you say, "I love you," mean it. -- OR AT LEAST DON'T LOOK BORED IF YOU HAVE TO FAKE IT

5. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye. --BUT BE SURE TO SAY IT LOUDLY IF THEY'RE BLIND OR THAT YOU'RE LOOKING INTO THEIR GOOD EYE IF BLIND IN ONLY ONE EYE

6 Be engaged at least six months before you get married. --ESPECIALLY IF IT'S A SHOTGUN WEDDING!

7. Believe in love at first sight. -- AND ALLOW YOURSELF TO FALL INTO LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT SEVERAL TIMES THIS YEAR... BUT USE PROTECTION

8. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much. -- BUT FUNNY DREAMS ARE OKAY TO LAUGH AT

9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.-- DEEP AND PASSIONATE LOVE... HURT? I'M NOT TOUCHING THAT ONE!

10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. -- UNLESS IT'S BITCH OR HO OR IGNANT

11. Don't judge people by their relatives. -- JUDGE THEM BY THE SHOES THEY WEAR AND THE CARS THEY DRIVE (OR BY THEIR BUS ROUTE)

12. Talk slowly but think quickly.-- WALK SLOWLY AND DRINK QUICKLY

13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?" -- AND THEN FROWN AND SAY "TAIN YO BI'NESS"

14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. -- FORGET IT... USE A CONDOM NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE TELLS YOU!!

15. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze. -- AND IF THEY BECOME OFFENDED AT BEING BLESSED BY SOMEONE AS LOWLY AS YOURSELF, ADOPT THE SEINFELD SOLUTION: YOU'RE SO GOOD LOOKIN.

16. When you lose, don't lose the lesson -- OR BETTER YET, NEVER LOSE SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT LOSING THE LESSON.

17. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions. -- BECAUSE SANTA'S WATCHING!

18. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. -- END THE FRIENDSHIP FOR ALL THE OTHER REASONS

19. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. -- THEN BLAME THE MISTAKE ON SOMEONE ELSE AND CREDIT YOURSELF WITH THE SOLUTION

20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice. -- GRITTING YOUR TEETH DOES NOT COUNT

21. Spend some time alone. -- SPENDING TIME ALONE ELIMINATES THE NEED TO WORRY ABOUT STEPS 1 THROUGH 20!!

another one bites the dust . . .

2006-01-11T21:31:00.000-05:00

as of january 10 i am sorely disappointed. as a member of team aniston, i was more than hurt by the recent news of brangelina’s pregnancy. rumor has it that brad was kind enough to contact jen to break the news to her . . . if only my ex had been so thoughtful. karma is a bitch, this soon to be short-lived bliss will catch up with brad soon enough.

another piece of celebrity news that is eating away at my beliefs in relationships - the pending divorce of chad lowe and miss million dollar baby proves that no matter the level of love and celebritism - the unbalanced success will take its toll on a relationship. it also proves that once you’re married you need to invest in a television . . . they probably got tired of relying on each other for entertainment.

as long as will/jada and SJP/matthew brodrick maintain their relationships i’ll maintain my respect for love and commitment.

why is thesmokinggun.com picking on james frey? who the hell cares if he changed a few details . . . he took drugs, wrote a book and ended up with a best-selling memoir, thanks to oprah – let it be. a million little pieces was a admirable body of work detailing an amazing experience with overcoming addiction. we must remember this – a changed detail does not alter the experience.

how do we know that all of the facts and details of memories of a geisha girl were truly accurate. significant details of ‘remember the titans’ were altered for the movie, but that doesn’t take away from the greatness of the story . . . james frey wrote his ass off and is changing lives, plain and simple.

too telling . . .

2006-01-07T17:41:00.000-05:00

my horoscope from friday --

the day ahead should be an opportunity for you to analyze the events of the past three weeks! no doubt you'll draw many important conclusions about your love life. in the final analysis, you may conclude that matters have evolved little, if at all. This is discouraging, to be sure, but don't place too much trust in appearances. remember, things are not always as they seem.

glad i know that now . . . i'm taking the weekend to analyze =)

by myself . . . pt. II

2006-01-05T21:36:00.000-05:00

first a little background: i'm not overly superstitious, at least i try not to be, but there has to be something more to my recurring issue of not being able to keep a man. several years ago i had my palm read . . . followed all of the rules and gave the reader no indications of whether she was hitting any "hot topics" to avoid any generic fortune telling. during this reading i was told that a woman in my family (my grandmother) had been cursed by a woman who was jealous of her and that all of her female bloodline would suffer the repercussions of this curse. all of the relationships we had would fail because somebody in louisiana got mad and buried something in a backyard.

last fall i decided to have my palm read again just to see – maybe the last reading was just wrong . . . that would be too much like right. i went to a completely different reader and was told the same account . . . at this point i’m freaked out by the fact that my second opinion has given me the same result – i’m jacked when it comes to relationships, not because of my own doing, but because of some Louisiana bayou mess that my grandmother was involved in.

now this is all relevant because i’ve just been ‘let down easy’ for the umpteenth time . . .

until recently i was being courted by a young man that i’d taken a particular liking to. slowly but surely being swept off my feet, just as i’d wanted. what woman wouldn’t find it hard to resist a man who actually does what he says he’s going to do or isn’t afraid to talk about the future or better yet the prospect of a future with you . . . until yesterday i was one of the few, the proud, a woman who could see a long term relationship on the horizon. i was faced with a strong man who was adamant and honest about his feelings for me and the possibility of “we” – not based on my own assumptions, but because he told me. i was filled with the overwhelming hope of solidifying a connection and bond through something other than a physical encounter. finally, the commitment, love and respect that i deserved.

that was until last night. my six hour suitor returned from an extended holiday trip and made it known that he missed me so much that he had to see me the night he returned to DC. Little did i know that this was only to let me know that “God was leading him in the direction of” a young woman he’d met before me. he also let me know that he still wanted to be friends with me because i am an amazing woman . . . i’m not one to stand in the way of God’s plans, but why was this guy even wasting my time and disrespecting “the chosen one” by even talking to me as seriously as he was . . . he was talking about marriage, kids, the whole nine yards, but to no avail cause that’s “not what God wanted”.

after he left i didn’t cry, there wasn’t much shocked and aww – honestly i’d actually anticipated this outcome. but it still sucks. there is nothing more disappointing than having your expectations established by someone only to have that person deflate the hope they initiated.

all by myself . . .

2006-01-02T00:30:00.000-05:00

i really do understand where AM was coming from when it comes to NYE. this NYE was the purrfect ending to a wack ass year.

a few weeks ago i asked one of my "friends" to join me for NYE festivities. did as much as i could to keep her in the loop regarding the event - even signed her up for the e-updates provided by the event planners . . . but to no avail and in the words of DC's former mayor, "that bitch [stood] me up . . ."

the tuesday before NYE i inquired about our plans, filled with excitement, i was hit with the news that she'd decided to go to NY for NYE. my question - when the hell was i gonna find out about this? to add insult to injury, not only had i spoken with her several times, but she'd also told other people of her plans, meaning that she intentionally didn't tell me . . . friends, how many of us have them.

i've make it a habit to treat people, especially my friends, with the "do unto others . . ." credo, out of respect, love and loyalty. i've come to the conclusion that some people just aren't worth the time or effort because they would never do the same for you.

needless to say, i prettied myself up, garnished enough gusto for 2 hours of smiles and went to the party, alone. luckily, i had my new beau to keep me warm via telephone (since he doesn't return to DC until mid-week).

despite the constant smacks in the face i received in 05, i have come to the conclusion that 2006 is going to be outstanding for me based on recent developments. as it stands right now i'm celebrating anew job, a (possible) new man and a very hopeful new year!!!

random thoughts, observations and questions

2005-12-23T23:58:00.000-05:00

why do women feel the need to compete for the affection of flava flav - do they not realize that subjecting themselves to that will only hinder their lives once the show ends. would you want to talk to a chic who kissed flava flav?

does star jones reynolds realize that she not only looks like a bobblehead, but she's not hiding the fact that she had g'bypass surgery very well . . .

do i realize that star may weigh less than me and i'm training for a marathon . . .

i love food! i truly love food. if i could marry food i would . . . which could be the reason she's smaller than me

why does mariah carey insist on dressing as if she's 26?

did britney really think that she was gonna live happily ever after? karma is a bitch . . .

i'm genuinely sad about jessica and nick - okay not really, but that just sounded right. now if gwyneth and chris break up apple's happy home, i'm starting a letter campaign.

does HBO still have a strong hold on sunday nights?

its not CSI: las vegas - its just CSI

people always seem to forget about being inhibited when having sex - who really talks like that and when/where do people learn to say these things? no you're not my daddy and none of my body part are yours . . .

men, no matter how much they deny it, are worse about spreading gossip than women.

if you're abstaining from sex are you allowed to talk dirty on the phone? does phone sex count?

feel free to share . . .

oh christmas tree . . .

2005-12-23T18:49:00.000-05:00

as i get older, i realize that the fairy tale life that i lead is just a figment of my imagination. once again the cute ideal life that my family/families try to portray are just that, ideals.

for instance, my mother hosts an annual tree trimming party a few weeks before christmas - its always a good time for me 'cause i am relinquished of the duty of single-handedly trimming the tree. to make it even easier my mother broke down last year, went against all previous notions of what was considered tacky by southern standards and bought a pre-lit martha stewart tree.

i walk, or limp, into the house last saturday in preparation for the 5 pm festivities, kindly greeted by my mother's bookclub members . . . and the tree-less living room.

NubianTemptress: hey y'all! momma, where's the tree?
NubianTemptress' Momma: oh, T (my stepfather) was too tired to put it up.
NT: so we're having a tree-less tree-triming party?
NTM: i guess so, unless you're gonna go get the tree and set it up . . .
NT: umm, i don't think so, have you forgotten that i just ran 20 miles, i'm tired too!
NTM: looks like we aren't having a tree then.
NT: how does that look? you're having a tree-triming party with no tree . . .
NTM: you know i don't care, we have decorations and christmas plants - nobody's gonna notice.

in my mother's defense, she's now 50 and she truly doesn't give a damn, but i highly doubt that people didn't notice.

the night before she made it known that she had no grandchildren to "do up" christmas for, so basically i'm shit outta luck until i give her a reason to get excited about santa and trees again . . . my stance is this - i'm still a child (since i don't have any of my own) and the tree is a staple in the christmas-time celebration/tradition.

luckily, she did promise to read to me on christmas eve, to honor of our timeless tradition. yes, i will not lie, i'm 26 going on 27 and my mother still tucks me in and reads twas the night before christmas on christmas eve. until i have a child to read to, i'm still the baby of the house.

when it comes down to it, despite not having a tree, it's still christmas as long as momma reads to me on christmas eve and i catch a christmas story in its entirety.

could it be love . . .

2005-12-22T13:38:00.000-05:00

i am in love!!! i'm in love with my new job, my new desk, my new co-workers, my new building, my new phone . . . the list goes on and on!

so this marks my first week of work after a 6 month unemployment slump and i am super excited. not only are the office hours shortened (8:30 - 3:30), but today is my friday (happy happy friday) and i don't have to work on monday. to top it all of, i get paid tomorrow, JUST BECAUSE!!! there is nothing better than working for a legitimate business something my good friend AsianMistress and i both know very well.

i also had a FABULOUS date this week . . .

my online dating woes have paid off -- i finally met someone who is normal . . . the young man, who actually isn't very young at all - he's 34 - is a chi-town native (but i won't hold that against him), divorced and visually pleasing, but to top it all off, he's celibate.

we swapped info last week and i waited a few days to call him, well, i was a little preoccupied with another one of my "friends" so i didn't really have time to call . . .

last friday, while i'm peeling apples at my momma's, i get up the nerve to call him. of course i'm expecting the conversation to be stale and boring, i mean what can i have in common with a grown-ass man. surprisingly the convo was great. we chatted for a little over an hour and the conversation was really easy . . . no dumb questions, no awkward silence, no "why am i doing this again?" moments, just a really easy conversation.

so we talked every day this weekend - again, very nice and easy conversations . . . after speaking for a little more than an hour again on monday evening we decided to meet face-to-face on tuesday. we met at one of the many downtown starbucks locations at 4:30 pm. the date was soooo wonderful that i didn't make it to my front door until 10:30 pm. YES people that is SIX hours!

of course, he walked me to my door, as a real gentleman should . . . and before we parted ways he left me with the sweetest kiss i've had in years. he then called me when he got home to wish me well before he flew to chicago for the holidays.

last night/this morning he called me just to say hello at 5:30 am and i didn't care. please note that i am NO early riser and i don't like talking to people in the morning, but today i honestly didn't care. i like him - a lot!

stay posted, things seem to be moving rather quickly . . . but i do fall in love once a week =)

ready, ready, ready to run . . .

2005-12-19T23:00:00.000-05:00

there are several things that i am proud of in my life. one, my ability to "bounce back" - if you looked up the word resilience you would find my smiling face.

this saturday i reached another milestone - i ran 20 miles. that 20 miles was more than marathon training; it was life training. there have been several significant events in my life that i sit and wonder "how did i gather the strength to get through that?" and this weekend was proof that my mental, spiritual and physical being are aligned.

when you start running in southwest, run the length of the Mall, take a brief tour of g'town and follow a boring ass trail to actually cross the MARYLAND STATE LINE you develop a new respect for your mind, body and spirit.

that 20 mile run allowed me to do what i set out to do; pushed myself to new limits and let go of the unnecessary attachment to my pseudo-ex.

i've accomplished a lot this year, so i can't complain . . . i observed black august - www.blackaugust.com - and as my friends know i really like food, no i love food and i would marry food if i could. black august gave me a new respect for food and how it can be abused.

i didn't have sex for seven months . . . now, i'm not a harlot, but i have always had the option of having someone to do the grown-up with. even with the option, i put forth the effort not to have sex.

now with the 20 miles under my belt i am going into 2006 with a new outlook on life and what i've been doing with mine. i'm so ready for anything life tosses my way.

pre-engagement girlfriend's club

2005-12-16T07:46:00.000-05:00

of course good times don't last always, but there is no reason for the recent turn events . . .

while enjoying my favorite drink at one of my wednesday watering holes i was pleasantly presented with unpleasant information . . .

let's take a step or two back -- part of the reason for my blog title is the not so recent "breakup" of myself and a young man i "dated' on and off for a little less than 11 years -- yes 11. i used the terms breakup and dated loosely because though what the two of us shared was special and something most of our closest friends will never really understand it is best described as an untraditional/complex mess of a relationship in its simplest form.

he and i (note: i did not use the word WE) met in high school and hindsight being what it is, i would not take back a moment spent together, however, i would change a few things. over the years and several break ups between us and our significant others (which means that at times we were actively cheating on our b/g'friend's -- unfortunately there is something about those stolen moments) we maintained a shaky, yet strong connection.

during the first chapter of our relationship i played a significant role in the dissolution of one of his relationships and carried the stigma of being "that girl" with his family, so the chance of me being the "girlfriend" was highly unlikely. despite knowing this and wearing the scarlet letter of being "the other woman", the relationship pressed forward. in the most recent chapter of the "relationship" and many years later, there was a shift . . . the discussion of the possibility of moving in together, marriage and children did come into play, but there was hesitation on both ends due to baggage.

over the past two to three years, the relationship rollercoaster took over and he and i were left at its mercy . . . he didn't want a commitment (bullshit), i wasn't sure if he was "the one" (a reasonable doubt, but still bullshit). the truth was and is this -- he'd being with me for YEARS and he wanted something new; i knew he wasn't right for me on a lifestyle level, but the overall compatibility was there as far as personalities and the like (wink) -- we were capable of making it for the long haul, but the initial hurdle of making it a legitimate committment was too high to jump.

as of february 2005, we finally went our separate ways, maintaining a crazy connection that remained unbroken, until now.

in less than a year's time, my former love overcame his fear of relationships and commitment and has become - you guessed it - ENGAGED! to add insult to injury this exciting news was passed on to me thru a mutual acquaintance, despite the fact that over the past three weeks i've spoken to and even seen him. apparently, he didn't have the nerve to tell me, he was trying to prepare me.

prepare me for what? how is one ever prepared for that news? as i write this i'm still processing the emotions surrounding being the pre-engagement girl. the girl who was repeatedly told "i'm not ready" or in the midst of a heated argument that i was never "gonna be the one and only" in sheer contrast to the ongoing actions and contradicting statements . . .

disappointment . . .inadequacy . . . the overwhelming angst of "will i ever be lucky enough to find the love of my life, have kids and live happily ever after (preferably BEFORE my ex's wedding date)" are just some of the emotions that i'm processing.

i'm still not sure what's worse . . . the embarrassment of crying in the bathroom at a club, while drunk chicks slur words of encouragement or playing multiple versions "i can't make you love me" (bonnie ratt and kimberley locke have the best versions, in my opinion)/brian mcknight's "one last cry"/al green's "how can you mend a broken heart"/erykah badu's "green eyes" (i should be credited as a contributing writer - these lyrics speak to me like no other song)/justin timerlake's "never again"/britney's "everytime"/jill scott's "show me" and coldplay's "a message" over and over again hoping for the moment that this will all make sense and the pain will subside.

luckily i have some of the best friends a girl could ever ask for in this moment of emotional torment . . . thank you for the bathroom pep talk, the hefty margarita and a lovely manicure in honor of my he ain't shit/congrats on the new job moment. thanks for listening to me cry on the phone despite your personal needs-- including studying for law school finals. i love each of you for allowing me recount every moment of my disfunctional relationship without judgment and giving me time to just sit and wallow in these moments of emotional frailty.

so for the weekend i'll be running 20 miles . . . during those miles i will relinquish any emotional baggage and move forward with my plan for happiness in 2006. there is no way that this blink on my radar will slow me down. when it comes down to it and in the words of one of my favorite bands . . . everythings not lost . . .

sometimes LESS is more . . .

2005-12-16T06:56:00.000-05:00

my apologies for the lag time in posting. i've been going through a few changes.

in an effort to maintain some level of modesty i will simply say this -- there is something about waking up in the morning feeling "refreshed" . . .

during football season monday nights are the perfect setting for cuddling up on the couch with a "special someone". due to perfect timing and an extended football game my blog title became, how do you say, "less descriptive" of my current status . . .

Christmas Made Easy for Music Lovers -- XM Holiday Special

2005-12-13T12:32:00.000-05:00

One of my gurls is a high-level hottie at XM and wants to

spread the love of music with y'all this holiday season,

so here it is and Happy Holidays:

“Get a FREE Roady XT when you sign up for six months of XM Satellite Radio service at http://friends.xmradio.com and enter Anastacia@xmradio.com as the sponsor email to receive the FREE XT or get the XM2GO portable for $150 OFF the current price. Offer only good until December 31, 2005, so check it out now!!”

R.I.P interview suit, cuz i got a J-O-B!!! now i can focus on finding a man . . .

2005-12-12T12:02:00.000-05:00

there are several things to be thankful for during the holiday season. as of 10:15 am today my level of thankfulness and gratitude went through the roof! i was offered a position I REALLY wanted -- with a company i really like. now i can afford the weekly martini allowance that I've become accustomed to and pay my rent (FYI: they are listed in order of importance)!

thank the lawd: after damn-near six months, no more sending out resumes, no more wishin, hopin and prayin for a job - i am gainfully employed. the only problem is now that i have a job, i won't be able to watch my favorite daytime shows, but thank goodness for VCRs and TiVo! don't worry Maury, i'll catch you and Oprah when i get home . . .

i guess i'm thankful for the men in my life, too. it seems that i'm sending out the "i'm gonna be off the market soon vibe" because i am being pursued by ALL of my ex-boyfriends. not just regular "i'm professing my love for you" but ALL OF THE ONES WHO WANT REAL RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGE AND FAMILIES AND HOUSES and stuff!!!

don't get me wrong, like most of my fellow females i want all of these things too, but i'm scared of making the "wrong" choice. i do believe in testing the waters, but i don't want to do the marriage thing multiple times . . . so i'm gonna take all of this day-by-day. based on the trends in hollywood and as an avid US Weekly reader, i am NOT trying to be another failed marriage statistic.

if you have any advice, please share . . .

online dating = male escort service?

2005-12-09T21:34:00.000-05:00

why didn't anybody send me the memo about online dating . . . it seems that the rules have changed and i wasn't made aware of the fact that you were supposed to sleep with a man on the first date! i'm desperately in need, but i didn't know it's that serious.

sidebar: i was encouraged to register with one of the many online dating services by my one and only adorable mother. she seems to be obsessed with having grand children for some reason -- i told her she had control over the number of children she had, not when i decide to have mine, i can't help that i'm an only child.

well, i decided that i would bite the bullet and take a gentleman or two up on a date/cameo, this is where i came face to face with the "new dating rules". while i was trying to settle down with my highschool sweethear it became commonplace for the ladies to want grown up loving within a moment or two of meeting their new loverboy sex toy. ummm, at this point i'm not sure i'm ready to give it up before i know your last name and your favorite childhood memory.

apparently having sex is "not that deep," as one of my would be suitors let me know as he promtly left my house. sex is no big deal, which explains why i'm sexless - i'm too uptight about who i decide to have sex with and how soon. now, i'm no prude, i've had my share of doing the grown up, but i wasn't aware of the new sex in the city induced sexual freedom we ladies are now living up to . . .

one of my precious friends and fellow hottie decided to let me know, from first hand experience that i've got to get with the program, or get off the online personals pot . . . so, i've made a few revisions to my online profile.

no panty chasers allowed here, the goodies are going to the highest bidder only and the reserve - sweeping me off my feet - has not been met!

the interview suit

2005-12-08T19:30:00.000-05:00

in addition to being sexless, i've been jobless for a total of 170 days and counting. i can't complain cuz 170 days without a job is 1000xs better than working on masta's plantation for 9 months, hell may be better than that but i'm not trying to find out.

so, at this point the only thing i can compare the job market to is the relentless meat market, aka, DC club scene. at 26 and five years outta college i'm now faced with the ultimate hustle of having to compete with recent grads and their perky ass job-hunting capabilities, but the fresh-ass 21-year old chicks with perky this and that, making me feel like the old lame maid in the club. but to be perfectly honest - job or no job, man or no man, i still got my swagger and i stay fly - shout out to my fly ass hairstylist, FELA, at Shear Movement on U st. at this point i can put out so much energy knowing full well what i'm getting into . . . real world work life is so surreal.

but, i digress . . . so i went on my umpteenth interview with a staffing agency today and what i'd anticipated to be as pleasant as a trip to the dentist turned out to be quite pleasant. i mean after waking up in a cold ass apartment (literally cold - like my 20+ year old heating system broke the fuck down as soon as my rent went the fuck up $95, how convenient . . . but again, i'm getting off topic) i had to walk about six blocks in this damn suit to tell another complete stranger why i'm so wonderful and worthy of a job. the interview went very well, like every other interview, but at this point, i starting to question who has it worse - me and my job search or the suit.

let me get you caught up, back in 2003 i bought a pretty nice black suit; the standard jacket, pant and skirt. hindsight being what it is, had i known that i'd have to don that damned suit more than 10 times in the past 6 months (mind you that the suit is getting more action than i am at this point) i wouldn't have coined it the "interview suit". talk about jinx, that damn suit needs to have stock options the way my job market is looking these days.

as far as i'm concerned i can never put that suit on again as long as i live, but at this point i'll simply settle for the idea of being able to wear it to my first client meeting after landing my new j-o-muthafuckin-b . . .

is honesty always the best policy . . .

2005-12-08T04:02:00.000-05:00

after listening to sia's "breathe me" for the umpteenth time this week, i've started to realize that i often sabotoge my own happiness in the name of truth and honesty.

a few weeks ago my recently rekindled flame/love was kind enough to sponsor my trip to see him for four days. during my visit loverboy was also so generous to lend me his car for a few hours to see my gurlfriends and family while he was at work. of course, being the BAD girl that i am, i decided to pay a visit to an ex-boyfriend and not so lost lover . . . of course i didn't do anything that would damage my pending relationship, aside from the well-known no-no: going to see a man, or two, in another man's car . . .

well, fast forward to tonight, in a moment of stupidity i decided that i should be "honest" and tell the "truth" about my outing. what in the hell was i thinking? of course, like any resonable man during the christmas season, he made his anger known and kindly told me that i'd just forfited a very nice x-mas gift! DAYUMMMMM!!! come on homie, when will you learn that honesty is not all its cracked up to be?

either way it goes, i've screwed myself . . .